A
male
age
30-35,
*hostChild
writes:So I'm in a bit of a tight spot here, I'll quickly explain my situation first.Currently, I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl that lives the next state over. We started dating last year until I ended it in February, but now we've recently decided to give it another go. Things have actually been going great. Even better than they were the first time. We're both really happy and really excited about our newly revived relationship.But now I have an issue with work.I'm 20 years old, and I work a low paying retail job that only gives me 3 short shifts a week, I'm also living at home so I have very little money and freedom. I've been on the hunt for another job for ages but the job market is pretty bad where I am at the moment. However, I've recently been offered a job through family that is extremely high paying. I'd be earning enough to move out and comfortably see my girlfriend every few weeks until we're both ready to move forward in our relationship.However, this job that I've been offered is a very big and exhausting sort of job, I'd essentially have to fly out to the desert, work 14 days straight without a day off (10-12 hour days) which would most definitely limit the contact my girlfriend and I have since at the moment, we are both able to talk for hours everyday.I would still be able to call her at nights and talk to her online, albeit not for too long. But when I finish work I'd still be able to visit her.When I told her about this opportunity, she became upset and worried and scared since she's afraid that we'll never talk. She's afraid that me taking this job would kill our relationship. She has said that she's willing to try if I really want to, but she doesn't hold much faith in us lasting if I take the role and she'd be much more comfortable if I didn't take it.It's hard for me to turn down this job since I would be making over ten times more than I'm earning now, and the odds of a position like this coming along again for me any time soon is VERY slim. She understands this, but she's not a fan of change and is scared that this would damage our relationship.Now I'm unsure of what the right boyfriend thing to do is. Do I decline the job offer and keep searching for closer jobs that don't have such hefty hours? Or do I accept it anyway and hope that she supports my decision and stands by me?Any help or advice would be great, work and relationships seem to be awkward. It would be a great job in the way that I'd be able to see her a lot more and afford a lot more, but we would just have less contact while I'm away on work. I'm just a little stuck for what to choose, whether it's the right thing for me to take a job that she's not comfortable with or if she even has a right to stop me from taking it.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 I don't think she is "denying" you the right to take this job. What she is saying is that she doesn't want this to be the end for your relationship and she fears it will be. As long as you make up a good plan for how often and how long you will communicate, and you STICK TO IT, then it can work just fine. But do not expect that the time you get to be physically with her will make up for the time apart. Right now you manage through long conversations. These conversations will stop when you leave. And then you can't exactly have twice as many conversations when you do meet, now can you? It just doesn't work like that. Some things will be lost. But if you work hard and keep contact with her on a regular basis, it might work.
She needs to be on the same team as you in this, so talk to her and plan out how you will do it, and what will be best. But, it might be that she will feel too lonely after a while. She, unlike you, will still have the same days and not be occupied with work for 12 hour shifts. The time that she used to spend talking to you she will have to fill with something else. And that doesn't happen over night. The first days and weeks if not months, she will most likely be bored, lonely, and sad.
She does not have a "right" to stop you from taking this job. But she does have the right to leave you if the distance brings her too much pain.
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years and this is exactly our situation. We dont live together and he lives a way away from me. He travels for weeks at a time, so our time together is very limited. I see him for a couple of days every few weeks.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.........and trust me it does! I love him dearly, and await for his calls, even though they are few and far between. When he is home, we make up for the time he has been away, and trust me, it brings you closer together!
The fact that she doesnt want you to take this position is pretty selfish on her part I feel. You have to consider the fact that taking this job or not, this relationship may not work out anyway, and the one thing that you dont want to have done is turn down a job that would afford you and your partner all the comforts in the future. You are only 20 years old and still very young, and earning your fortunes young is an opportunity you dont want to miss, trust me!
Take the job! If you are both committed to making it work, it CAN work!!! Its worked for me for 12 years! Hes asked me to marry him, and I have said that I would when he has finished doing all the things he wants to do before he is not able to. It CAN work if you are prepared to put in the effort, but she needs to do that too. If she isnt prepared to put in the effort, it will not work, but that will be on her head then, not yours!
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