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male
age
41-50,
*uagmire
writes: I met this girl about 4 months ago and we went out about 3-4 times before I recently moved into my own place. Everytime we went out, we both had a great time and I know for sure, and I'm fairly sure that its mutual, their is a definite connection deeper than your usual first few dates. Since I moved about a month ago, we started to talk more often, more calls/emails. Last Friday she came over, about 40 minute drive, we went out, had a few drinks, awesome conversation (she complimented me on having so much fun just talking to someone), even told me that my eyes were beautiful. I offered to her that she could spend the night instead of driving back so late after a few drinks and she happily accepted. We slept in my bed together watching some movie. I didn't make any moves on her sexually and we fell asleep with her in my arms. Was I wrong for not doing anything sexually? Did that send the wrong message? Three days later she invites me and I go to her house and meet her family and we hang out for a few hours. Also, we constantly talk about the future using the word us. She called me and told me a old friend(guy) was coming to visit her in a few weeks and that she wanted me to meet him, that "I was completely included in her plans". This Friday, she came up again, and we again had a great time, just smiling at each other when neither of us had anything to say. Again she slept over, again nothing sexual, I took her to breakfast in the morning and I asked her to go out later on Saturday, but she had to work. I told her I would call her later on that day and I did, and she still hasn't called me back. Anyway, my questions are, if this girl is as interested as she seems, wouldn't she find 10-15 minutes to call me back? This isn't the first time that she hasn't called me back, at least the 3rd or 4th. Also, my last meaningful relationship ended about 2 years ago, I was with a girl for about 4 years and she cheated on me, in my house. This has really been the first girl I've met since then that does that special something to you. Is it to early for me to tell her I'm really starting to care about her? Will she run away if I tell her now? Should I wait? At the least, can I bring up to her if she is looking for a serious relationship? I'm not really looking for a casual thing with her? Am I wrong for not calling, because I'm stubborn about it and will wait for her to call me back, even days? Driving home on Friday night, she told me about something very personal,scar she has somewhere, I grabbed her hand and just listened. What was that all about?
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cheated on me, hasn't called, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 You did nothing wrong and not initiate sex was the right thing to do.
I get the feeling that something is wrong with her and maybe she does not want to tell you yet. Maybe she does not want to call back to soon and sound to keen. She must have a good reason for it, better have. You sound great, she would have to be a fool to let you go.
Understand your reasons why you do not want to call her. Assuming you left a message, give her time and if she really likes you, she will call.
If you see her again, try to take things further another step, maybe making out. Let her know you want her.
Good luck, hope it works out.
Lots of hugs x
A
male
reader, quagmire +, writes (17 January 2007):
quagmire is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I called her tonight, Tuesday, no answer again, another voicemail. This I cannot explain, anyone that met us when we hung out asked how long we'd been dating. I'm not a genius when it comes to women, but even I knew she was really into me. So anyway, no matter what anyone says here, unless she calls me at some point, soon, apparently I'm not talking to her again, I'm too proud (dumb) to ever call again. I can take a hint.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Maybe she needs a bit of room to breathe, I do it too when I have a lot of contact with somebody, even if it's just non-romantic (me and a friend of mine whom I really like had a project together so we saw each other 3 times a weak, talked on the phone at least once a day and after 2 weeks I just shut down the phone for 48 hours).
You two last talked on Saturday and it's only been 2 days. Why don't you give her a call on Tuesday, see if she's alive and kicking, and tell her you missed talking to her =)
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A
male
reader, quagmire +, writes (15 January 2007):
quagmire is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your responses,,,,,,, both of you think i should just tell her that I'm really starting to care about her and hoping for something serious and let her know I don't need an answer. What about the calls? It just seems like enough mixed messages that maybe I'm wasting my time and energy. Have either of you ever really liked someone and delayed contact with them?
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A
female
reader, dragonette +, writes (15 January 2007):
First of all, I think you sound like a wonderful guy that you could have her stay at your place and fall asleep with her without making any moves on her. She probably appreciated you for it as she actually took you to see her family and she included you in her plans to see her old friend.
I think she won't be put off by you telling her how you feel about it. She certainly seems to be harboring similar feelings herself.
But one word of advice; before you start your relationship as a couple, get rid of the ghost of your ex. I see that you got nervous because your current belle didn't call you back, and that's probably because you somewhere think that she might betray you in some way. You need to realize that not all women cheat on their partners, or else doubt will always dig at you and ruin your chances at happiness.
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A
female
reader, appygal81  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I think you need to be very upfront and honest with her. Let her know how you feel. I mean you have met some of her family already. Some women are different, but like most i would want to hear how u felt....its important to know how you are feeling. On a personal note, i have been cheated on alot in the past, i never really heard the heartfelt words and the bf usually cheated on me.....my advice,would be to look her in the eye, tell her how you feel, and LISTEN to anythingshe may have to say....I think you were right in not engaging anything sexual with her that one night...you may have to really listen to her and feel for her about that scar...was she raped? i mean i dont know the whole idea behind it, but if it is something scarey to her you need to understand that and take certain aspects of the relationship slow...i hope this helps...the main idea is let her know how you feel, tell her that you just wanted her to know, and that you are not expecting an answer in return, until she really knows how she feels....take your time with her.
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