A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:ok...ummm me and my boyfriend are going to have sex soon but im a little scared about it cuz i dont want it to hurt,,,,does it hurt????? will i bleed??? i want to know what im getting myself in to before...thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, londonmiss  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 hey :)
i will be very honest, it hurts a lot for about the first minute or two,like a stinging sensation, it feels like you're being ripped (which in essence you are), then that pain eases and i started to feel a discomfort in my stomach if he went in too deep. I think I was slightly tense so it also hurt me like the outside of my legs as well.
but i mean after about 5 or 10 minutes of the discomfort, i really started to enjoy it. i wasnt expecting fireworks but it was a whole lot better than what i did expect!
i prepared pretty well for it, i made sure he fit 2 or 3 fingers in comfortably before i went ahead and made sure i used lubrication also, i think this made it a hell of a lot easier
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): First of all... do you use tampons? Are you even menstrating yet? If are than make sure that you use a condom...
I lost my virginity at 17 and was scared as hell.. I dated the guy a year before I would even give it up (for lack of a better term) but I can say that when it did happen, there weren't any fireworks or a crazy orgasm or anything remotely close to that.
My recommendation is make sure that he cares about not hurting you as much as you do. His motion and thrust can really make or break the amount of pain and you absolutely need to use some lube. I would recommend it for the first few times because when a female is nervous (which it sounds like you will be) our bodies do not produce the necessary fluids. Also, if you have been using tampons your vagina is atleast familiar with foreign objects.
I thank god that I don't have to go through "losing my virginity" again... There are so many questions that you ask yourself and before I did it at 17, I had been put in that situation by so many boys that I thought were deserving but I had to really ask myself about how I would feel if we were to break up after I had given it up at such a young age.
Not trying to scare you deary, Im sure you will make the right decision. Just make sure that he cares about you and your not just doing it to get it out of the way.. Or because everyone else is.
Good luck:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): When I first had sex, I could remember it hurt a little bit but as he went on and on and on, I remember forgetting about the pain, & ended up enjoying it. Yes, you will bleed if he popped your cherry. But it depends on the girl's body if she will bleed or may not. To tell you, it hurt but later it wouldn't anymore if you guys do it again maybe just for the 2 first times.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 June 2010):
If you are as uncertain, fearful, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice, but it's only around 20% or less who say it was anything like a "bloody mess".
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
I truly hope you reconsider this decision and postpone sex until you two are more ready.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 i really think it must hurt, I've never had sex with a virgin so I have to go on what women tell me; most say it wasn't all that bad. i can't begin to imagine the pain of childbirth but i bet it's a zillion times worse than the hymen being broken. FYI for a guy it is heavenly. i know I'm a pig but i can't help it!
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Firstly, how old are you? And what is the age of consent in your state? Don't do it before you're legal.
Secondly, most girls' first time is painful to some degree. Your vagina is tight so you need to stretch it by having sex a couple more times before sex is completely painless. It'll be even more tight if you're tense, so relax, and talk to your boyfriend when you're doing it because that'll help you to relax. Do lots of foreplay to prepare your body by lubricating itself (or use lube) and raising your cervix so your boyfriend's penis doesn't poke it!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Man, you are young! Are you sure you are able to cope with the risks of sex? (Pregnancy, STD) Is he the type of guy who will stand by you in the consequences of the risks?
BE SAFE! BE SAFE! BE SAFE! Use a condom, and use it properly. You may want to buy and use the "morning after pill" as a backup plan. You can get those over the counter at Walgreens.
It might hurt you. Tell him to go really slow and be extra gentle. You most likely will do a little bleeding too, and primarily, the pleasure will be his domain only. If he's the same age as you, he won't have experience, and he'll last probably 1 minute.
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