A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so, heres my story. Ive been with my girlfriend for 10 months. And about a month ago i litterlly woke up and felt like i lost my feelings for her. One day i was soo in love with her and loved her with all my heart. now i question if i do. i know i love her to death. and when i look in the future i really can see her and no other girl. And my friend when through the exact same thing at the exact same time and she said itll just pass. slowly the doubts are going away but when they do go away i get scared and they come right back. I see a therapist and she said its normal too. And ive always had horrible summers. i dont do anything all day. What im trying to say is will these doubts go away and how long? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, badaergd +, writes (5 September 2009):
Absolutely not! Not having butterflys when you're about to go see her doesn't mean you don't love her. It's when you think it's such a hassle over and over to go see her when you stop loving her.
I can relate to you on your level. I think I am afraid of being alone, too. But, school and such busy me up and get my mind off of it. I know this sounds cliche.. but start the conversations with people. Compliment something they are wearing or something and then go from there.
as far as anxiety goes, listen to Samanthax :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): The fact that you don't get butterflies and stuff anymore could be because the relationship isn't new, yes. Or it could be that, because of all your worries, it is making it hard for you to just relax and enjoy being with her.
I agree with what your therapist said, that when school starts you should feel better. If you are an anxious person though, that can make it a bit more difficult. Have you asked your therapist for any relaxation techniques? They can be quite helpful for anxiety problems.
I know you are worried about losing your girlfriend, and you want to be with her forever. But really, relationships are to be enjoyed. Try not to take it so seriously. It is lovely that you like her so much, but remember to relax and just enjoy the relationship too. I know this can't be easy though, but keep trying. You may be worrying about things that will never happen. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my therapist said like. im scared of being alone. and from what ive told her she said once school starts for me and winter comes and i have hockey going on i should be okay again. i kinda have some family problems. and i think i have an anxiety problem too. could that be another reason i have doubts? i really want to be with her forever. im just really scared. i dont want to lose her. also i dont get butterflys when im about to see her or that feeling when i kiss her. is that just because its not new to me anymore? that doesnt meen i dont love her and im falling out of love right? its just not new?
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A
female
reader, badaergd +, writes (1 September 2009):
Well I don't know about you, but I would trust the therapists say so that "it will go away" over an unlicensed just random internet gal like myself.It will go away. :) The part about it is, you have to learn to let go. Try to remember why you love your girlfriend. I'd like to know however WHY is that normal for a guy to do? I honestly think it just may be because you two are around each other a lot? Just trust in your love, don't tell your girlfriend you don't love her and woke up randomly. When days like that occur, just go out and exercise. Go spend time with friends. Maybe that's it. You just need a little time away from her without her knowing "WE NEED TO GO ON A BREAK OK."But if you could, tell us the doubts and fears. Maybe that'll help to get to the bottom of the problem better.:) 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Well, I think it is normal to have doubts and concerns about relationships. It shows that you care about her. But I wonder if maybe you are analysing the relationship too much, and worrying about things that may not be there?
You said that you don't do anything all day. That might make your fears and doubts worse, because you will have a lot of time to dwell on things. You might think about your relationship and come up with all sorts of worries and worst-case scenarios.
I think it is good that you are talking to your therapist about this, hopefully they will be able to give you some guidance through it. It might also be helpful if you tried to occupy yourself more. What do you enjoy doing? Is there anything enjoyable you could do to keep you busy? Even if you have nowhere in particular to go, getting out of the house can really help. Maybe just going for a walk each day could be helpful. Staying inside can make things worse, because your mind is free to think and worry about all sorts of things.
So try to enjoy your relationship for what it is, without analysing it too much. Nobody knows what the future holds, so why worry about it? Whatever happens, you can handle it. And I'm sure everything will be fine. So stop worrying! x
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