A
male
age
36-40,
*errick
writes:ok, im 23, moved back home while I finish my last year of college, and my girlfriend of 4 months is 24. she has her own place, and bc we don't get to see each other very much through the week (im in school, she's at work) i like to stay overnight on the weekends. For whatever reason, since i moved back at home my mother thinks she still has control over what i do, even though i am an adult, and always has something to say about me staying there. We've never seen eye to eye on who i dated: the last girl that i brought home (4 years ago) i fell asleep at her house, and long story short, my mother threatened to kick me out if i did not leave the girl- in return i told her she'd never meet another girl i dated ever again. i moved out a year later, and kept my end of the bargain, but now i am reconsidering it only for the fact that i haven't felt this way about any girl since the last one, and i don't want her to think i'm not serious about her.the other night while i was at her place my mother sent me a text in the middle of the night saying "i want to meet her this weekend. it's your call. i promise i'll never bring it up again after this." i talked to my gf about it and from what i told her she's scared to meet her (i never meant to bad-mouth her, but i guess that's what she took from some of my interactions with my mother)This was never a problem when i did not live with her (along with a few others), and i'm at my wits end. ive been trying to find ways to get a more stable financial situation so i could move out, but im not sure how when i'm in school full time. do you think all of this would stop if i did not live with her, or is this how she is always going to be? i don't know what to do here.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I suggest your girlfriend meets your mother when you and your girlfriend are ready, first off. It doesn't sound like she is, and for many it takes anywhere from 6 months to a year to take that next step. A 4 month old relationship is still relatively new and fresh. Of course, nothing wrong with meeting the parents earlier, but overall I don't think it's something necessary to do before the relationship has taken a serious turn (been together over a year, planning to ger married or move in together etc).
As for your mom, I think she will be like this until you move out unless you put your foot down and demand your respects. For example turn your phone off when you are with your girl, or buy a new number that your mother doesn't know so she can't message you with insults. Then complitely ignore her, she can try to control you but after all you are a grown man now. What can she really control? Just because she wants to doesnt mean she can unless you let her. Its not like she can ground you, give you a curfew or anything.
A
male
reader, derrick +, writes (19 May 2010):
derrick is verified as being by the original poster of the question@shygirl this was just one of the messages that she sent. she's sent several others before, and she meant it in a rude way (i could almost hear her saying it). and by "all of this stop" i meant her still trying to dictate my life: what i do and who im seeing.
althogh unplanned, i did meet my gf's mother. when do you suggest they meet?
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A
male
reader, The Great Mark Says  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 hey there i hope i can help a lot. my mother is actually very much alike yours. for the longest time my mother didnt agree, approve and just flat out didnt respect what i did. and it would be about everything under the sun. girls, jobs, friends, places im going, things im doing...basically thats just how it is. so the one day i just sat down with my mother and told her flat out that we just dont see eye to eye and dont agree. that we just have to accept to disagree and respect that we have different opinions. i told her i respect as my mother but im also a grown man that can make my own choices and decisions. and that i can only hope for her support. if she chooses to support me or not thats up to her. then i went on to explain what i when to do. really just be really honest with your mother and tell her your plans. if you have everything plained out and tell her how you feel she should respect that and get off your case. i hope this helps you as much as it helped me
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 May 2010):
All of what will stop? She only asked to see your girlfriend once, and then said it was your call. 4 months is a little early in to present a girlfriend to parents in my opinion, and I can understand why your girlfriend doesnt want to meet your mother. Its early, and she's heard no good of your mother.
I feel you left something out of the original question, you want to know is "this will stop", but I dont see what you are refferrig to. A one time text in the middle of the night isn't exactly an on-going issue.
Wait a little longer before trying to introduce these two people to each other. Tell your mom it's a bit early only 4 months into it.
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