A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am an extremely jealous person, I'll admit it. I have been dating my boyfriend for a while now and I got a "great" idea to get him a dog for Valentine's Day. Now, he is already talking about all of the time he's going to spend with it and I'm getting jealous. I don't want to be jealous but I'm not sure what to do....I can't control this feeling. Please help me with some advice, before I ruin this perfect relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): It sounds like you want someone's undivided attention but nobody in the world can give that.
You could both enjoy taking the dog out for walks together.
Yes, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Tell him how you feel and have a talk about it. Perhaps he can reassure you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Thank you guys so much. Yes, I know it's not rational to be jealous of a dog. That's why I'm asking for help. I don't want to be jealous and I keep telling myself that it's really immature. I guess I'm just afraid that all of the time I spend with him now will be cut because he has to be with his puppy.
All of the advice did help. I will use it to try to help this situation before I go crazy...and make my boyfriend stressed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): your jealous of a dog?? no offence at all but that sounds really out of control, everyone loves their dog - including myself but that is certainly no comparison to the ppl you love - esp your boyf or gf. it sounds to me like you might need help with this jealousy because it has gone a bit far. your goin to love the dog too but in all fairness there is no risk of him replacing you with a dog. try and get some advice from someone with experience on this topic, because it might end up ruining your relationships with others. are you ever this jealous of friends??
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I recommend this book. It's a really eye-opening look at jealousy, and I found it very helpful in understanding my own jealous instincts:
"The dangerous passion" by David Buss
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
You had a lovely idea and your b/f seems to love it he wants to spend time with his new found friend because you got it for him, It will bring him great happiness and thats all because of you. You admitted you are a very jealous and your half way there to getting help as thats very brave of you to admit to, You want help, you dont like feeling this way its hurting you. Look on the net love there is loads of great advise for you, Help for your confidence and self esteem. It will help you understand and there are other people out there who can help who have been in the same circumstances so you will have support, Good luck love hope this helped a little WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Some of it I suspect you will outgrow with time. But for now, try to bond with the dog, so it feels more like "our baby" than "his dog". Try going along when he takes the dog on outings and maybe this will help you see it as part of your family instead of something who is taking your b/f away from you. Generally we feel threatened by things that appear to be superior to us, or replace us. If you become part of this dog's life, you will never feel like you're being replaced. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Jealousy is usually caused by fear and it often shows itself as anger. Being jealous is unhelpful because you squeeze the life and personality out of people with it. It is a mistake to think that it is helpful, it is not. As soon as you try to control a person they start to withdraw. It may not show for a while but it does happen. Imagine your partner as a bar of soap. Open your palm and let it rest happily there, grip it too hard and it will slip away. Your boyfriend’s personality should be encouraged and welcomed, if you celebrate him as he is and for who he is, your approval and positive energy will make him love you more. If you disapprove and are negative he will start to wonder if you really do love him. Holding on very tight is also a sign of not being confident and not liking yourself very much. This is not an attractive quality either, the most attractive people are those who are confident and like themselves.
This sounds like a lot to achieve and I know it because I have been through the same battles as you. I have been seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist. I find that my attitude has held me back in very many ways and I have so much to catch up with that I sometimes feel disheartened but I am getting there and working very hard to do it. The best things that have helped me are: A book called “Women who think too much” by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema Phd. A website called Moodgym which is online CBT and the therapy itself
You can’t think yourself out of this, you are going to have to do some productive thinking and rethinking. The habits you have used so far are not the sort you need. This is not the sort of thing a person can get done alone.
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A
male
reader, blkphotog +, writes (16 January 2008):
Have you tried talking to him about what you are feeling about this situation. Do you both have a good enough relationship to discuss this with blowing up? theses are a couple questions to ask. als ask yourself what would make me jealous over a dog. It can drive, it cant talk. in the end the boyfriend will be with you. Also why not play with the dog with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Jeweliska +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Dogs are good company and he will be spending time with the dog which is a lot better than of the other things he could be doing. It should also help to build an extra bond between you - a little bit like having a baby together.
There could also be problems such as housetraining which need to talked about so that arguments don't occur if the dog is naughty. Having a pet is a good thing and keeping a pet happy and healthy shows maturity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Dogs are nice things. You and he and the dog will be able to do things together like walking in a park. It will be a little bit like having a baby together. Hopefully a pet will build an extra bond between you and your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Oh sweetie...
You're jealous of a dog?
Come on now, is that really rational? I don't want to seem judgmental, but that dog is not going to replace you. I love my dog to bits. I love playing with him and spending time with him, but he definitely doesn't keep me away from spending time with my friends or my boyfriend.
At least you realize that the jealousy is a problem. Try to get a handle on it, ok? If he's spending an excessive amount of time with another girl, that's reason to be jealous and no one would fault you for that (unless the other girl is his sister or his mom or another relative). But time with his buddies (or his dog)? Not really.
I hope this helped, and I hope I didn't come off as toooo judgmental. :) Good luck!
masq
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Jealousy is possessive love. You want to possess and control a person.
You may feel jealous but you have to control that green eye monster.
Think of the dog as your friend. When you are not there, he will love that dog and when he thinks of that dog, it will remind him of you. Be confidant and learn to trust .Be assured that he loves you more than the dog or anyone else.
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