A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is so dumb... but my one and only friend is gay and I really really like him and really wish he wasn't gay. He's everything i want in a person and I know he admires me and loves me, except he's GAY!!! has anyone ever heard of a gay guy being about to be with a woman? He's so nice and sweet to me I can't stand it. I care about him a lot....
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was an excellent answer Cerberus. Thank you. Your response was fully heard and noted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): Yeah I've heard of it but it always ends in misery.
The first type of relationship like that I've heard of is the gay guy who hasn't come out for whatever reason and only dates girls. I know a couple of guys like that and their relationships are always a struggle.
I have heard of openly gay guys becoming F**k buddies with girls and even trying relationships but they always ended badly. It can happen the same way that friends can get together mistakenly thinking that they're so close anyway that it will work even if one of those friends isn't sexually attracted to the other. Those cases always turn out bad.
I think the worst and most painful one I've seen was guy I knew called *John* (not real name) who was best friends with a girl I know called *Jane* (not real name). They were as close as two friends could be and even closer. They shared everything and stayed over in each others houses two or three nights a week and snuggled in bed etc. They even kissed a lot when drunk but that was just for show and to act crazy in front of other people. I'm good friends with Jane and you literally couldn't have a conversation with her because she was always texting John, and always talking about him. They were literally like an old married couple, they were very close but he was completely gay. No attraction to women at all, he'd never even had a girlfriend or dated girls he knew and accepted he was gay since he was a child.
What happened with them is kind is what may happen with you. They were friends a good few years beforehand but she started to develop real feelings for him and fell completely in love with him. She was for about a year before things started to get messy. You see being friends with someone you're in love with is 100% impossible without enduring extreme emotional pain. So she told him how she felt and he said he was sorry but he couldn't return those feelings, they started getting awkward and distant towards each other but he decided seeing as he loved her so much and really didn't want to lose her friendship that he'd bite the bullet and give it a try.
They actually kind of lasted about 6 months but were both wholly miserable, they just couldn't fake it. No matter how much he tried sex was very uncomfortable and just felt wrong to him. She picked up on this too, he only enjoyed oral and later admitted to her that he was thinking of guys the whole time. They were both crushed in the end and can't even sit in the same room anymore without being upset.
OP he's gay, it's not a choice and it's not changeable. If he was to get with you it would go against his natural sexual urges and just wouldn't work. You need to find another guy to love, you need to get close to another guy or your friendship with this one will be every difficult if not impossible. I have known quite a few girls that have fallen in love with their gay friends and they did manage to get over it. But it's very tough to do because they had to create a bit of distance, it can be very hard to get over someone if you're having your desires fed by their affection.
You have to accept that nothing romantic will ever happen and if it does it will most likely lead to heartbreak. You have to think of what your next best step is. You're already being crushed so you have to find a way of easing that pain. Cutting back on the affection and some of the closeness will work, it has to be finely balanced but it can be done without losing him entirely. So you have two options keep the closeness and the pain that comes with that or distance yourself just enough to be able to ease your feelings and start looking elsewhere for romantic love.
...............................
A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (30 March 2011):
If he's gay and not even bisexual then no, he'll never date you or be with you because he'll never find you sexually attractive.
So you'll just have to accept it and not let it affect such a good friendship.
...............................
|
