A
female
age
26-29,
*ummersbliss
writes:Hi, so ive been besotted and in love with my teacher for 2 years.He is now my ex-teacher and we have been communicating online, via facebook and other things A LOT!Almost everyday, anything from a few minutes multiple times a day or hours for nearly a year since he left. There is a 15 year age gap. I haven't seen him for months but by feelings remain as strong if not stronger than before.However, my Real Question is... surely he knows that I like/ have feelings for him and there is more than meets the eye?Ive done a lot for him presents, being generally nice and here for him whenever he needs me.He appreciated this and likewise he wants to help me. He'd be blind for it not to of crossed his mind! So why, does he persist with me? He says we have a connection because of all the things we have in common.I feel like he makes me jealous, mentioning his girlfriend and past girlfriends and anyone else female hes met up with, as he knows it hits a nerve. Why be so heartless!! If he has any clue about how I feel?Im not sure I can face one day telling him the truth and him telling me he always knew, after the things he's said and done have caused me so much pain. Why doesn't he discuss this with me? They was he acts towards me - is making no sense. What is his logic behind this?Does he think my feelings will just fade.... or is he oblivious to them.Also if he knows WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? (dont bother mentioning moving on, not an option) :P
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female
reader, Summersbliss +, writes (12 March 2013):
Summersbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, sorry thats just my opinion. I value marriage a great deal more (Im Christian) than any relationship. I highly doubt you would see someone you liked and instantly stop feeling that way because they had a gf - as much as that would be the ideal, its not realistic. Even so, when i began to like him i was unaware of the fact he had a girlfriend, however i knew he wasn't married.
No contact the first time lasted 2 months - and i was perfectly fine, because i knew i would see him at school everyday after that time.
Not including school holidays...
1st time was 4 days after he left for good (I HAD CLOSURE!) - and then he messaged me for the first time on facebook saying "goodnight" (with no conversation previous) This threw me a bit. The next day i messaged him "Hi" and it all continued from there...
2nd time (the last time) was for less than a day? He shut his facebook down - obviously causing me a lot of stress. Longest we have gone without any contact must be 5/6 days, since speaking online. The feeling of him being unreachable and not being able to contact him does panic me some what. The biggest LOW i have ever felt. But ive gone 5 months (could be argued 8 months)without seeing him or hearing his voice - but i have no option in that. What happened to distance drifting people apart? Im never hysterical, and I haven't time nor money to waste on counselling for someone to tell me to "move on".
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 Oh so in your book it's ok to go after a man with a girlfriend but not a man with a wife. Nice morals there.
how long did you go no contact before... less than 6 weeks of living NO CONTACT means NOTHING
if after 6 weeks of NO CONTACT at all (no looking at his facebook page, no calls, no texts, no emails) if you are still totally hysterical then you need to see counseling...
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A
female
reader, Summersbliss +, writes (12 March 2013):
Summersbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, of course i want this, i see how perfect we could be and i want that happiness it brings me permanently. The need comes in when I have STOPPED before, a few months ago ALL contact was cut off and it sent me into a right panic. My behaviour became more irrational. I couldn't stop crying for days to even think straight. No one could calm me down, until i spoke to him again telling me not to be upset.... and that instantly made me relax. I cant afford to not be OK even for a short period of time, Im doing A-LEVELS! He does care, i know that for certain after all he's done for me. Many many girls in my year fancied him, he was young, handsome and charming. When we first met I HATED him as a teacher, he wasnt great, I found it pathetic how girls flirted with him (including my friends). I only began to like him when i spoke to him outside of lessons and found out more about him as a person. It was unusual for me to EVER take ANY interest in anyone, being quiet and reserved.Our relationship was unique is probably the word id use, we were always on the same "wavelength". Okay, so he has a girlfriend, but that could come to an end, he's been in a long term relationship previous to her that came to an end. I could get a boyfriend today if i wanted to! If he was married with children it would clearly be a no go.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2013):
Summerbliss,
You have posted about this a few times and I know you don’t see what we see. I know you don’t think we understand but we do.
Your question is this “does he know how I feel” and my answer is YES he knows but HE DOES NOT CARE and he’s not going to do anything to make you feel better about it. You say you can’t delete or stop talking to him but the truth is YOU DON’T WANT TO. YOU COULD. But you don’t. At least be adult enough to OWN YOUR BEHAVIOR and accept that your role in this is what’s making it so painful. YOU COULD go for the short term pain of cutting all contact and getting over him but you choose instead to pine away for a man who clearly is not going to give you what you want.
BTW you don’t NEED this. YOU WANT it. And as an adult you will understand we can’t always get what we want.
Also if he’s telling you he has a girlfriend (even if he is not seeing her daily) means he’s putting you clearly in a slot that you don’t want… just friends. I’m betting that he’s humoring you more than you know.
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A
female
reader, Summersbliss +, writes (12 March 2013):
Summersbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy situation is much more complex than that, this is the severely cut down version. I can't delete or stop talking to him, I care too much about about him. I feel if i stopped I'd be let giving up on everything I want and my own happiness just because at the moment it's considered socially unacceptable. Who is society to know or judge us?! I'm prepared to wait and in the mean time, enjoy the relationship we have. He wants to help me because he see a big future ahead of me and will help me get there. I keep him up to date with everything and everyone at school. We know each other very well, the last thing I want to do is hurt him. It's hard for me to understand the relationship he has with has girlfriend as they are never together for months at a time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): ok so you feel this way...sweetie, it's wrong. if you two were the same age, it'd still be wrong. he's in a relationship, and i don't condone this sort of relationship, but you shouldn't be even considering this so deeply until you turn 18, before then you are only a huge liability on this man. and dear, men are seduce-able. often against their better judgement, so just because he jokes with you or seems to reciprocate on some level doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you, he most likely finds your youthful energy alluring.I say wait 2-3 years, if he breaks up with his gf and u guys are still close, tell him how you feel if you think you must, but it's a road filled with pain and you might hurt him, hurt his personal life (he most likely loves his gf, and she probably won't like this little girl barging in), hurt his career prospects (the media doesn't give two sh*ts if you "love" him, it's stigmatized for a reason.), and hurt yourself...
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