A
female
age
41-50,
*uggylover
writes:I wrote before about my boyfriend being reluctant to divorce his wife that hes been seperate from for two and a half years. He was involved with me for the last ten months and she was involved and living with a guy for the whole duration of the seperation. me and my boyfriend broke up. He said he loved us both and was confused. She would never leave her boyfriend before. She played with my exs head. She was harassing me for the last month, and she left her own boyfriend finally. Do marriages work after such a long seperation? After loving others?
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broke up, divorce, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, puggylover +, writes (24 June 2012):
puggylover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really was looking to see if it does work out after a long seperation... Their marriage seperated because of mistrust, affairs, and neglect. But they have remained friends through this all... I dont understand why..
A
female
reader, justmen +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Just read your question again and saw that you say your boyfriend is "confused". All the more reason to give him time to figure out what it is that he needs or wants. He said he loves you both. Now he must decide. His wife is no longer with her man. He is no longer with you. There is no reason for either of them not to be together if they want to try again. There is also no reason for him to not be with you if he truly loves you, whether his wife has a man or not.
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A
female
reader, justmen +, writes (23 June 2012):
To answer your actual question : "can marriages work after such long separation/loving others"? I see the "loving others" portion of your question as a positive. Your boyfriend has loved another or experienced being loved by another than his wife. That's a plus. He knows it exists with someone else and will not forget that in making his final decision. The second part of your question focuses on how long it's been since they separated. In my professional experience, time spent in a state of separation is not the criteria for success or failure in round two. The circumstances around the original reason for the marriage first failing- is. If trust has been broken or is an issue or if lies were the reason the marriage ended or ended up on the rocks in the first place, again,in my clinical experience: the likelihood of the marriage rebuilding after any number of years is extremely unlikely if not nil.
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A
female
reader, justmen +, writes (23 June 2012):
Relationships are anybody's call. If he loves you he will end his marriage and be with you. If he loves her he will remain married. It sounds like this situations just happened or is still relatively fresh. Give it time. The heart is a time machine.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Do not waste anymore time on this guy or wondering about HIS marital future. It's time to focus on your future. Consider it a lesson learned and one you will never have to learn again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Turmoil, such as you have here, seems to feed on itself... and YOU are likely to live in tumultous circumstances until/unless you TAKE A BREAK from this situation that you describe.... and give it no less than six months to settle out.... and THEN you should come back on here.... outline that (new) situation..... and THEN we can give you REAL answers....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): They are still married, right? Then they have howmany ever chances to try again, and again and again. You were only with him for 10 months: its time For you to heal from a broken heart and move on: preferably with someone who is single or divorced or a widower.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, puggylover +, writes (23 June 2012):
puggylover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven though there is no kids.. She didnt want him so many times
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (23 June 2012):
your problem is that he wasn't free. If your heart is with another then your not free to date. He would have left you at any point to be with her and that what you need to understand. Let this one go. How can you trust this guy again. He loves another and you want him. You really believe he loves you both?My niece comes to mind on your situation.Take this man out of your life coz he running back in forth. You see how much that he respect your feeling. Your letting this guy toy with you "stop it" have self respect and don't waste another day with someone that look for greener pasture eleswhere.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): "Will my ex go back to his ex wife?"Not unless he divorces her first, until than she is still his lawfully wedded wife and not his legally divorced ex-wife."Do marriages work after such a long seperation?"Doesn't matter whether ex's marriage works or not, your concern should be that after such a long seperation he's STILL LEGALLY MARRIED."After loving others?"If he really loved you, then he wouldn't be STILL LEGALLY MARRIED to his lawfully wedded wife. You knew going in that your ex was capable of cheating on his lawfully wedded wife with another woman, so it should not be any surprise that he turned out to be just as capable of cheating on you with the lawfully wedded wife to whom he is he STILL LEGALLY MARRIED. You ex's lawfully wedded wife isn't the problem, it's the scumbag to whom she is STILL LEGALLY MARRIED to.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (23 June 2012):
 I believe they can if both people are willing to work 100% at it. If they have children then they have a very good reason to make it work. You may need to just cut your losses on tbs one and move on.
What you shouldn't do is be his safety net. Don't sit and wait for it not to work out, so he has someone to come back to. He needs to give ALL of his effort to his marriage, and you need to make a clean break. Do not allow him to run back and forth between you and his wife.
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