A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I celebrate 100 days, 200 days, and 300 days, 1000 days, etc. anniversaries rather than months/years which is important to our culture. There's even a smartphone app for counting d-days. Anyway for our recent anniversary I wrote him a letter which is our tradition. He received it and told me he wasn't done yet because he needed time to think it out. One week later he still hadn't finished the letter, despite going out all weekend both weekends before and after our anniversary. About 4 days in a row each. We hang out during the weekdays so it makes me feel unimportant that he had so much fun over the weekends and didn't even think about me/us. I finally received his card 10 days late but the content obviously didn't require much thinking. I know he doesn't have to do anything for our anniversary, and I chose to write him a letter. But is it reasonable to feel hurt that he didn't do his usual gesture? He did treat me out to dinner on our anniversary but it was casual. I'm just hurt that he played all weekend. If he were studying then I'd understand he didn't have time to write me. Is this significant? I feel like it shows that I'm less important to him than his friends.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Celebrating 100 days, 200 days, even 300 days would have been fun when the relationship was new and in the first rosy blush, but I imagine it could soon get tedious, are ou sure that software application wasn't designed by some clever marketing person who was hoping to do really well selling cards and other crap to the unwary? What I am asking is how long have these 100 day anniversary's existed in Korean culture, for centuries are are they a recent development.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 I actually agree with the male anonymous poster on here.
I can barely keep up with how long 30 days takes. My husband laughs at me when I ask him what day it is when the calendar is right in front of me. To remember Day 350, Day 1,000 is daunting at best, and truthfully, if you two have passed Day 730 (the 2 year mark), then it's a bit weird to start holding him responsible for not remembering days like this.
Not only that, but HE TOOK YOU OUT on your anniversary! Most women out there would not only feel totally happy and satisfied by their boyfriend or husband taking them out to dinner on their anniversary, but those guys only have to remember one day per year, not every 100 days or so.
You will completely suck the relationship dry if you insist on demanding that he show affection to you the way you want it in the way you want it when you want it. That's like the 3 year old kid who is ordered and commanded by parents to hug them, or a relative, or "Say thank you" without giving the kid the opportunity to express his own gratitude.
He took you out to dinner, but didn't write you a letter. One thing about traditions is that they evolve. You usually see these kinds of 3 month, 6 month, etc. anniversary on a brand new relationship where the couple is giddy and is making all their friends oogy with their pet names and total "into each other" behavior. Eventually, that behavior subsides and deeper traditions take place. It's less about form and ritual and keeping tabs and more about enjoying each other's presence, listening, and loving each other, and being each other's best friend and lover. The one person in the world who understands you better than anyone else.
Not to say that flowers aren't still nice 10 years later, but the best romance isn't on a schedule, isn't guided by Obligation, and isn't coerced. You don't want that kind of affection.
In short, I think you're not being reasonable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): By trivializing and regimenting your "anniversary celebrations" into 100 day increments, you've mananged to make them as fun and romantic as turning in a term paper or punching a time clock while erasing any trace of significance or importance.
You feel like you're less important than his friends, if I were boyfriend I'd feel like I was less important than adequately fulfilling your "tradition" obligations to your exacting standards.
Just give him a C-minus and dock him a half-hour's pay for this quarter's substandard "anniversary" report card/performance evaluation and give it a rest, instead of holding a grudge for the next fourteen weeks and two days until your next "anniversary."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): I'd say that you're not wrong to feel 'aggrieved'(?) by this. After-all, you've put in the effort for it, but he doesn't seem to have put in the same amount of effort. However, it is my personal thought that it is the thought that counts. If a friend or girlfriend gives me, say, a birthday or Christmas present late, I don't mind as much as it really is the thought that counts, not the timing (or lack of it). I note you say that you spend time with him during the weekdays...is that not perhaps valuable time that he could have used to sit down properly and write you his letter. Perhaps you could let him know how...displeased you are at his letter and perhaps ask him to write you another one, maybe for the 150/250/350/etc. day/anniversary.
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A
female
reader, Romanilove +, writes (23 June 2012):
Honestly, it sounds a bit inconsiderate in his part. You would have to take into account his overall behavior in the relationship. Some men just aren't very good with words. At this age, guys and girls as well love to party, so it's understandable he was out during the weekend. However, does he ever invite you to join the festivities?? How long have you guys been together? You may have reached a point where you need to evaluate your relationship in its entirety.
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