A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm about to leave college and start a career in journalism and I'm worried about the effect this will have on my relationship with my boyfriend. Due to severe depression in his teens my boyfriend was pulled out of school at 13, so has no qualifications and therefore can't get a job, and can't afford to go back into education. It's difficult enough as it is to cope with our different lifestyles (I work hard all the time, all he really does is play xbox). He already says I've changed a lot recently as I'm uptight and emotional and I constantly nag him, I'm just worried that the more pressure I'm under the worse this will become. I won't let my relationship with him prevent me from being successful, but I can't lose him either. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gena Bullock  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 You move on with your career. He has issues you can't change or help him with. He's got to get off the XBOX and want to help himself/love himself FIRST. Not you. This is not your fault. Don't feel guilty for something you had/have no control over.
Be his friend and move on. If he sees you're changing, then you ARE going in the right direction and he doesn't want you to. That's selfish on his part. he's feeling sorry for himself and wants to suck you in. Be firm, be nice, but let him know you have to look out for your future and he has to find his...somehow. suggest counseling and some type of way to get his education in gear.
Good luck! Gena
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Plenty of jobs for which no qualifications are needed. Warehouse, hauling carbage, cleaning. All jobs that need doing and that can't be outsourced. He can flip burgers, he can sweep streets.
There should also be programs available for people who dropped out to get some job training so frankly it sounds like he isn't even trying.
You on the other hand are moving on. Either he deals with the fact that you will be breadwinner and he does the household OR he gets his act together.
Right now I think you ain't helping you seem more worried about you becoming to mucb of a success then him being a loser. "Will his lack of a job/career drive a wedge between us?" might have been asked instead.
Love maybe blind, it doesn't have to be stupid as well. He needs to change his life around and stop making excuses or blaming you for having a goal. Continue to be soft on him and he will never change and his resentment of you will only grow.
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