A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't want kids. I have never wanted kids. I just don't like them, have no motherly instinct, plus childbirth = ow.My boyfriend does want kids. He's said he used to think about being a father a lot. He knows I don't want them, and knew that when we got together, and he says he's fine with it.The thing is, I'm kind of paranoid that eventually he'll realize he would rather have kids than be with me and leave me. I know he loves me, but I also know a few people that have been dumped because the other decided they wanted kids, despite them originally saying they were fine with it.Anyone else have any experience with this situation? What happened?How can I get over this? Any advice on the matter would be nice.I just can't stop thinking that that's what's going to break us up, or my constantly worrying about it might. But it won't leave my mind...I know it's cliche, but I blame my mother. She always said "no man will ever want you or stay with you since you don't want to give him kids". Sweet, eh?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I'm in exactly the same position as you are. But - did you discuss this before? If he said he is fine with it that you don't want kids, then you can't exactly be held accountable for not changing your mind. There seems to be this idea that women eventually come on to the idea, that their "instincts" kick in and suddenly they want kids when they didn't before. I think that's bs. It's good to hear you are standing your ground, though. You are young, and having kids at your age is probably not for the best anyway. Unfortunately, the kid issue is a deal breaker. Not to worry, there are loads of people out there who are on the same page as you. Whether for moral and environmental reasons, or personal reasons, or financial reasons, they just can't go through with bringing a child into the world. You will meet one :)
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 March 2009):
If you don't want a kid and your boyfriend does, then eventually he may leave you for a woman who will settle down and have his million babies and iron his shirts.
However, this is not true for all men. Your mother is wrong.
I don't want kids either. They are expensive and messy and ruin your body and stop you going out and having holidays. Plus they can ruin your career.
I found a man who is not interested in kids either, and I am his dream girl because he knows he are going to have a million amazing adventures in life and not be tied down to a screaming brat.
You can't worry about this. What will be will be. If you boyfriend is broody then he may want to find a broody girl and you can't blame him for that. It would be exactly the same for a girl who wanted kids with a boyfriend who didn't.
You aren't married, so anything could happen yet. Just carry on and enjoy life now rather than worrying too much for the future.
As long as you have a pension plan with your bank and a savings account then that is all a girl needs do.
Good Luck!! xx
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