A
female
age
30-35,
*abyyblonde
writes:Okay so I'm going to be a senior in high school while my boyfriend is heading off to college. We've been dating for a little over a year and everything has been great overall. I know people may say we're young, but it truly does seem as if we're perfect for each other. But here's the thing...now that summer is here I've become painfully aware that I only have a few months left before he leaves for college. I'm starting to worry constantly, I have a constant nauseous feeling when I'm with him now, because I know that it won't be like this anymore, and overall it's starting to affect how I act when I'm with him. His college is only around 2 hours away, and I may be attending there myself next year, but I'm afraid that we won't make it through the first year. I'm terrified he will cheat on me. And while he has given me no real reason to suspect he would do something like that, I can't help but to be obsessively worried about it.I know that all guys seem to have this vision that college will be full of hot girls and parties, and I don't doubt that my boyfriend has shared this vision. He's hinted at it before. And he is very much a hormonal teenager. I know he loves me truly and is dedicated to me, but I don't know if he will forget that when he gets there and is spending time around a bunch of girls that are not me. We are neighbors and have literally spent every day of the last year together, so it will be a drastic change only seeing each other once every other week. The thing is, he told me at the beginning of our relationship that he didn't want a commitment in college. But now he is constantly assuring me that he wants to stay with me, everything will work, he'll come back for my prom, graduation, etc. And while its really sweet and I know he's being sincere, I wonder if he can change his mind back just as easily, or get caught up in the influence parties and alcohol and girls (even though the college he is attending is fairly conservative)I guess my question is.... if my boyfriend has never cheated on me before, and has never given me any real reason to suspect that he would cheat, should I be this paranoid? Am I just insecure? Is this natural? Or is college an insurmountable obstacle in a relationship? I don't know how guys' minds work so i really don't know if they can be faithful in college.... help!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): It pretty much comes down to how much self control he has. There may be situations that come up where he may be tempted to cheat, but if he has self control, he wont. Theres just the extra factor that he may feel lonely with you not around anymore so it may make othe people more appealing to sort of fill the void. Im not trying to scare you or anything but thats usually how it is. Again if he has self control, does not give into peer pressure, and really loves you i don't think you have anything to worry about. Plus he is probably worrying the same thing about you with him leavign and all.
A
male
reader, Wiseguy555 +, writes (4 June 2010):
Okay, I sorta know where you're coming from, first of all I don't think it matters that you're a year behind him. If your boyfriend had intentions of cheating on you then he very well could yes...this is just reality, I'm not saying to confront him about it, but if you guys have had an open discussion about this subject together than good. Communication is the number one thing in a realationship. The whole point of dating someone is to learn who they are as a person, find out your similarities, strengths, talents, gifts, hobbies, weaknesses, fears, etc. Everything should be covered, no page left unturned. It sounds like you arw going through what I went through, I'm also a senior...well I graduated last night but anyway I can relate. It sounds like you have what we call trust issues, you say that what he says sounds sincere, and he hasn't given you a reason to believe that he would cheat on you but you're worried. The college lifestyle is infact wild (depending on where you attend) parties get out of control often with use of alcohol and drugs, these substances are widely known for casuing no good. Many college guys target fellow female classmates as "pussy" a good one night stand for some drunk action, they have no boundaries or respect, I'd just as soon have them all killed.lol what you should suggest to your boyfriend is that he only consumes alcohol when you are present, keep his attention on you, don't let him drink to much. Alcohol does change people, it alters your ability to make good decisions, personally I drink only with my guy friends, I love my girlfriend with everything I have so I don't jeapordize it by drinking with other girls. I would sit down with your boyfriend and ask him how serious this relationship is to you, tell him to be dead honest, ask him if he still wants to be committed during college.like it or not he will be tempted many a time, his guy friends pressurng him to hook up with chicks, perhaps even the chicks will make their own advances. Just find out what he wants, tell him that you want to keep this relationship going only if he's just as commited and agrees to drinking only in your presence. There is much more to be said but this is a lot to read, so let me know how this goes ok? Hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 June 2010):
 I'll be honest with you, most of the time when one person goes to college and the other stays behind the relationship doesn't work. However, it does sometimes work and you have the benefit of being able to see each other frequently (since he's only 2 hours away). No it's not a stupid thing to worry about, but as someone who has been through college I promise it's not all about going to parties and sleeping with everyone. Sure some people do that, but it's really easy to avoid those sorts of things. In order to be getting with all the hot people around you have to be seeking it out. Hot girls don't just wander into guy's rooms and take off their clothes. If he promises to stay committed you're just going to have to trust him. Plus if you're going there the following year, it will be that much more worth it to stay together. Two things to do, one, communicate a lot. Make sure to call each other often. Also, since you'll only be two hours away try to make an effort to see each other at least once a month. You also need to make an effort not to be super paranoid. Everything could work out if you both want it to. College isn't a cheating drug. Most of the relationships of people I know who broke up over this didn't break up over cheating, it was just growing apart because they were hundreds of miles away.
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