A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want nothing more then to have my ex beat to hell and I want to cuse him the f*** out soo bad. BUT we have kids together and that would be just the wrong thing to do. I dont know how else to get over him. I feel like I am at times when im with other guys, but when I have to see him i love him all over again. idk why.He really is the scum of the earth he raped me, beat me, verbally abused me and I put him in jail once and left over a year ago.I want nothing more then to be over it, and i think im almost ther. But not all the way cuz when I see him (for some stupid odd reason) I want his attention and I want him to want me. Then when I leav I feel sick like he did all this to me and I feel like that? What is wrong with me.How do I get over him for good? I already gave him every card or letter or gift he has given me back and that didnt do the trick. Also since we have kids together I have no choice but to see him. And no he has never done anything to our kids hes a great dad, maybe because ther boys idk, but a horrible ex. I want him out of my head and I want to get over it completly im just out of ideas on how to get over him. HELP!!
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female
reader, shynessreality  +, writes (4 June 2010):
I know how you feel , my ex abused me for nearly two years , and I am now scared to have another relationship. I suggest you go to confidence classes if you have the time, and completely focuss on yourself , and your kids. Distract yourself by treating yourself ,and always remember IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!, I have trouble reminding myself that it wasnt my fault , and I'm sorry you had to go through this. This guy was just another man who has not been educated on how to treat women correctly, like so many others in the world. He doesnt deserve your time and thoughts , I understand how difficult it is not to let your thoughts wander back to them , as I have trouble with this, so I think you should talk to a counsellor , and ask how to do this , Good luck x
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 June 2010):
 This one is actually easier than you think. This answer will be in two parts.
1. How to deal with him in regards to the kids: You do not have to see an abusive guy. You can get a friend or a relative (mother, father, sister brother, friend, policeman) to be with you so that you can pass off the kids without drama and pressure. Make the meetings as short and as businesslike as possible without any chat or crap. Treat the man as if he was a clerk or person on the street: irrelevant and meaningless.
2. You need professional help to figure out what is it in your psyche that causes you to have feelings for this guy and want to go back to him like a dog that goes back to eat its own vomit. You should go to counselling or a psychologist to get to the bottom of this destructive tendency. Something happened to you when you were young that is causing this. At least you broke up with this rapist abuser, but you have really split from him.
Good luck to you. You must cut off all contact with this guy. Find someone else to fill the void, and knock some sense into your own head to break out of this self-esteem abyss you're in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): If seeing him stirs up old feelings then have a third person act as the go between. That way you wont have to keep facing him. I dont know if you tried counselling but if not, seek some help to lay the past to rest. And as an aside. A rapist/wife beater is far from an ideal parent, so do keep a close eye on your sons. Its debatable whether or not they are physically safe with him. Even if they are, you wont want them growing up with their fathers warped way of treating women. If he loved and respected them in a wholesome way, he wouldnt have damaged their mother with beatings and abuse. So do keep an eye on the children.
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