A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to change somebody in some respect, i mean to say my boyfriend had many girlfriends in past but he did not settle and I don't want to fool myself with the hope that he will settle this time. But I want to know if there is a chance that he will change and develop maturity with time (he is in his 20s). One thing I am very sure about him, he has less respect for people (sometimes he is very rough and aggressive to people around and to himself) and specially girls (reasonably or unreasonably) but at the same time he is caring also. He has got good parents supporting him and guiding him well (but he doesn't share a good communication with his mother, both are somewhat rude to each other).What do you people think? Do you know somebody who has grown matured lately? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 May 2011):
Hi there. Maturity only comes with time and life experiences, and learning about yourself, people and life, over time.
It's not really possible to actually change a person's character, that can only come from them. It's a conscious decision to do so. It's also a gradual process.
As he and his mother are a bit rude to each other, as you say, that could be where some of his rough and aggressive type behaviour towards others, stems from. It's become ingrained for him now. It's only a habit.
I wouldn't be worrying too much about his so-called many different girlfriends prior to your relationship. It seems clear that they just weren't right for him.
If you are going to find the right one for you, it might take quite a few dates and years, to stumble upon someone who is really suitable and who you could see a possible future with. It can take years and years!
So don't consider that to be a bad thing. It also shows that he takes the future seriously, and doesn't want to marry just anyone.
So from now on relax, don't think beyond today, and instead enjoy yourself, have fun and be happy. Don't look forward too far to see if you can see a wedding coming up for the two of you in future. It will spoil your life today. Life is too short.
There is no hurry to get married. Just let it happen by itself. Time will tell what is meant to be. Eventually all will be revealed.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Maturity comes very gradually over time... if he's in his 20's... it could be many many years before you consider him "mature". I personally think its naive to only be with a person in the hope that they'll change into the person you want/think they can be...
If you can't be happy with them as they are, then you shouldn't be with them... to put it bluntly.
...............................
|
