A
female
age
30-35,
*ymy
writes:I know there's no straight forward answer to this, because everyone is after all different but I was hoping I could get some advice on here. My question is more or less 'do guys like virgins?' but specifically 'will the boyfriend mind if his girlfriend isn't so great in bed/not incredibly forward if their relationship is genuine'? I've been going out with my boyfriend for three months (we were dating two months before that) and we get on incredibly well, we have very similar interests in films, games etc and enjoy each other's company, not just on a physical level. Anyway one of my biggest worries when we first started seeing each other was that he would lose interest as soon as he found out I wasn't a virgin or get frustrated by the fact I wouldn't want to sleep with him so quickly. It preyed on my mind for what felt like a long time so on the second date I basically ended up blurting it out to get it out in the open (we'd got on to talking about past relationships so I thought it was a case of picking the moment). I know not all guys are the same, but at the end of the day they all have needs. Of course my virginity is very important to me and I only want to lose it to someone I really care about and am in a long term relationship with, I told him this and he respects that. We've had this conversation several times before, mainly it's been about me worrying that I'll be bad and a disappointment and of the pain- what I obviously haven't mentioned to him is the fact that I fear it'll just become something for him to brag about and something he can walk away from if he gives up. I know that sounds like a very cynical thing to say but my past with guys has left me a bit edgy.I really would just like to get some common myth answered- do guys simply like taking a girl's virginity because it gives them a thrill and ego boost, or because they're 'tighter'? Or if he really cares about her will her virginity not make much of a difference? If the girl is shy or crying or bleeding a little afterwards can they handle the emotional side of things?I haven't directly put this question forward to my boyfriend because I don't want to offend him. When we were talking about valentine's recently he turned to me and said 'at the end of the day it's just another day of the year, you don't have to do anything you don't want to', in the time we have been together he has said this to me before, that I have to tell him if things are going to fast etc and I really value this and believe him. There's a 6 year age gap between us, I'm 19 and he's 25... We have been open about our past relationships; his first time was when he was 20 with his girlfriend (a long term relation of two years) and after her slept with 2 other girls, neither of whom were virgins. I think his first girlfriend was also a virgin, so if that's the case I guess he would kind of know what to expect.I know this is a very very long post, but to try and put it in a nutshell- will the guy really mind at the end of the day? Thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, Mymy +, writes (10 February 2009):
Mymy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much- I actually mistyped in my question, I've only been going out with him for a month not three!
A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (10 February 2009):
Quick answers from the guy side:+ Tightness thing is bull. It's guys trying to talk about car engines and computer power; trying to sound like they are experts at stuff all guys wished they knew more about. Forget it.+ Virginity can be intimidating for guys. It's more serious, and you know you better really care about the girl, because that first time will always be there. Positive: you feel honored/special (bit of that ego thing), and very trusted. Negative: a lot of responsibility, and it's going to be all about her not you (which isn't so negative if you love her).+ Crying (general emotional-ness) and bleeding is expected, and any mature guy will take it in stride. + Being experienced is not the same as being great in bed. But yes, like most things, sex is something you can get better at with practice. Mainly, the practice is about (a) learning what you like, which you can practice yourself through masturbation, (b) learning what your partner likes, which you can learn through asking and listening, and (c) a positive attitude of willingness to try things with someone you really trust.It may be worth mentioning to you that while there is pleasure in being the one dazzled by someone else's sexual skills, there is also pleasure in being the one to share them. He will be enjoying showing you some of the pleasures your body can give you, and not expecting you to put on a show. Put another way, he's the cook, you just have to enjoy the meal. It can be fun to be the cook, if you like the person you are cooking for and they appreciate our effort. Oh, and finally+ His 6 year age gap, plus his added sexual experience, plus the only 3 months dating, would argue for going slowly sexually (which it sounds like you are doing, well done). If you are interested in being sexually intimate with him, I'd suggest you work your way to it, building a sense of trust being with him that way.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 I don't think he will mind at all - and remember, what you have to deal with is not what guys in general do, but what your own personal individual guy does. That is a crucial point, because from everything you say, it sounds like your guy really is a nice guy - and i am sure he would do everything to make you feel happy about losing yr virginity.
I was under 20 once : ) and a virgin ... and actually now, my advice to my young self would be to hang on to that virginity. I wouldn't rush into anything. I would take it very slow. I think 3 months is maybe too quick. I think he understands this. And I think he is probably really keen for you to have a good experience. He isn't pressurising you at all. He is being a gentleman, i think!
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