A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I were friends for awhile before we started dating. We've been together for 6 months now and things couldn't be better. She was born into a wealthy family and has inherited a lot of money. I'm an average office worker and make a decent salary but it's nothing extragant. Our dates are nothing extraordinary with the exception of birthdays and holidays when she offers to treat us to a really high end restaurant (like $200pp). She likes foods and treats, often bringing me a latte or fancy cupcake when we meet up or occasionally on my desk at work. Money has never been a factor in between us and she's never asked/expected more from me than I can offer. But why did she choose me when she can be the wife of a CEO's son? Her family has many connections. I feel intimidated when I meet her friends. Will such a drastic difference cause future problems? Or am I overthinking things?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I grew up very comfortable. (trips to Europe, Private school, never wanting for anything)
ALL of my long term serious partners grew up with much more modest means. One of them didn’t even have indoor plumbing till age 12 due to financial issues.
I never cared about money that my partner brought to the table as long as he pulls his weight in other ways. I currently make more money in salary than my partner ever will.
Why did she choose you? Because clearly you have what she desires. Clearly she sees your worth as a person. Do NOT over think this or worry about.
I think you could voice your concerns with her to calm your fears but I’m betting that you bring a lot to the table.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I've been there. Maybe not to the same degree, but I do know where you're coming from.
I grew up poor. When I was in university I had the whole term budgeted down to the dime. Could never buy more than a few dollars of gas at a time, could never buy food from the cafeteria, or even coffee for that matter.
The girl I started dating had family wealth. One day I drove her to a lawyer's office and she showed me the biggest cheque I'd ever seen -- a first installment on her inheritance.
I had the same concerns as you, and some of her friends pegged me as a gold-digger. She never did, and she was right -- I didn't want anything I hadn't earned myself.
Like your girlfriend, this girl did occasionally want to treat us to something nice, but for the most part we did things that I could afford. We simply enjoyed being together. I learned to accept that it wasn't right for me to keep her from sharing the odd extravagance. But I also bent over backwards to never take advantage. I worked through school, and have never been unemployed a single day since.
We've been married for 20+ years. We've made a life together, raised children together, and I can't think of a time when her money was a serious issue. So chill, friend -- it's love that's important.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): Just take it one day at a time and enjoy your time together, don't overthink at this point. As long as you're not relying on her financially and she genuinely enjoys your company, I think all's good at this stage. If it does get more serious, then I would suggest having a proper chat with her on what expectations are down the road and the role / input of both families. I have been in her shoes in a way, I come from a comfortable family and have had the best education, I loved a guy who's a blue collar worker (well, I still do but...) but he's in that position simply because he's from a very poor family. Unfortunately we can't be together but we'll always be closest of friends. I have experienced a fair share of criticism, people in general are sometimes very judgmental and not ver kind. So yes, social pressure can be very intense, that's something you have to consider in the long run. All that said however, as the other posters have said, how *you* feel, is entirely up to you. Don't let the friends intimidate you. Be upfront with your girlfriend on what you can or cannot afford, don't let peer pressure push you too far. (My friend was very honest and told me what he could or could not do for me, and I admire him all the more for that.)
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 You haven't said if she still lives with her parents, i.e. even if she has her own apartment, don't be so sure Daddy isn't paying the rent for her every month. Which means that she has yet to truly understand what it might be like to be with you on your financial level so she's enjoying what she has with you. You seem like a cool guy and it may never be a problem, but then again she may not see anything serious between you right now so there's no reason to think about it too hard. I think it's rare when a princess meets a pauper and it doesn't cause problems down the road. Usually it's the parents who will later pressure he to set he sights higher since they know you will probably not live up to their standards and cannot provide for their daughter at the level she has been used to. It's not a character flaw, it's simply the law of social economics. For now, enjoy what you have and let things unfold naturally. Don't make any wedding plans, just take it one day at a time and see what happens. She obviously enjoys your company so just have fun.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 June 2012):
I think she's shown by dating you that she does not really care about such matters. As long as you continue pulling your own weight like you're doing right now I doubt it's going to be a problem in the future.
You have to understand that being rich does not automatically mean you want to belong in that social niche as well. She seems pretty grounded and that's why she's dating you and not some hotshot banker or CEO's son. There's more to life than just money, though the latter does make it more comfortable. I think your gf realizes this.
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A
female
reader, Meesh76 +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Hi the problem here is actually with you and not your girlfriend. You seem to be selling yourself short. You must have a lot going for you or she wouldn't have chosen to be with you and I bet she would paint a very different picture of your relationship if she were asked. Just remember that no one can ever make you feel a certain way without your consent. So if you feel intimidated by her friends it's nothing to do with them or how much money they have it is to do with you feeling insecure about yourself. This is something you really need to work on as if you are not careful it will cause problems. It's little things that count..I mean how much does a latte or a cupcake cost... it's not an extravangant gift but I bet it just makes you happy that she has thought of doing something nice for you. Just enjoy been together and don't look for problems where they aren't any.
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