A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question is mostly for married men. Is it possible to lust over another woman and not act on it? I mean of course I know it is possible for a beautiful woman to get under your skin, but I'm wondering if there are men who even though the other woman is willing will truly attempt to avoid her and how difficult that is? What goes through your head and how do you deal? Let's say that you already slept with this other woman and the sex was really great, and you sensed yourself getting too attached. Would you get scared and attempt to avoid her and cut her out of your life even though you can't stop thinking about her? Or do you only pull away when you lose interest? I'm asking because of a research project I am doing about men's psychology on love and lust and appreciate all the help I can get! Personal experiences will be great..thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Some married men had never experienced love. When i say love i mean that deep rooted emotion from one's soul that you want to a particular person in your life forever.
For many men marriage is a compromise. They had girlfriends and the best out of the bunch became the most likely candidate for marriage, so he marries her, hoping that this is his soul mate. Dont get me wrong, there is chemistry and their are plenty of good times, but he just cant seem to love completely and unconditionally. Many men then start viewing this void as normal.
Once maturity sets in and he now has an idea of love and relationships its often too late to entertain the idea of ever experiencing true love.
Then life happens. Someone walks into his life that he is completely bold over with. He feels emotions that he thought he never had. She's not evrything he ever wanted, but the way she makes him feel proppels him to want her.
This type of yearning for whom he presumes his soul mate is not based on sexual attraction.He might be in a healthy sexual relationship with his spouse. Its all about what he feels that he has never felt before.
Is a man willing to lose his wife and kids over this new found love? Not likely. so he'll try and suppress his feelings and opt to make a happy home with his spouse. The problem though is that emotions just dont get switched off on demand. And if he entered a relationship with this new found love and suddenly breaks it off it would be a calculated decision. Depending on how strong willed he is he might or might not tell his soul mate that he's backing out. If he doesnt tell its for fear of being drawn further in.If he tells its because he feels he still has a measure of control in the situation.
Staying with his wife is a compromise. He will always love the other womam... his soul mate.
All men are not dogs and many make sacrifices for their wives that they'll never know about.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 October 2009):
 If a marriage is very good, a married man may act on an impulse to cheat on his wife for the thrill of sex with another woman.
However, at some point he's going to have a great deal of guilt and shame associated with the cheating. Its called living a double life. Some men compartamentalize and avoid the guilt and simply treat the wife as a wife and the other woman as a girlfriend and that's it.
Often, however, the other woman knows of the wife, but the wife has no clue about the other woman.
Once he senses he's getting to emotionally attached to the other woman, he may simply cut and run so that he can go back to his marriage and stay there. He may from time-to-time try and re-contact the other woman, and even stay in contact with her, but he will probably try and avoid any more sex for fear the wife will find out.
Most wives will definitely fight to keep their husbands, and the husbands will likely fear losing the marriage. If children are involved the husband will often choose to stay in the marriage even if he's extremely unhappy.
And to do this, he may cut contact altogether.
The bottom line is, however, that most people men and women stray from their marriages for reasons that they are not getting the needs they have met within the marriage. Usually its sexual acceptance, but it could also be emotional acceptance or both.
Its best to figure each affair is based on individuals, and therefore individual facts cut in.
Largely though married men are going to stray about half the time, and women today are close to 50 percent and in some urban areas a little bit over that number.
Many affairs are one night stands but some of them are perennial running into decades.
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