A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Bit of a strange situation. A while ago I started having an affair with a guy at work and moved in with him after separating with my husband. About 6 months later another guy at work revealled that he had had a big crush on me for years and that he had started to develop strong feelings for me. This kind of freaked me out so I went to human resources. After that this guy basically said to me, in writing ('cos I was too scared to see him in person and besides, this might be seen as being unfaithful to the new man in my life) that he was not leaving the company but was saying 'goodbye' because he suddenly found out about the man I had moved in with. Cue departmental re-shuffle which has now put me in the same open plan area as the 'crush' guy. He has been avoiding me now for months - literally months. Occasionally we make eye-contact (well - it's hard not to) and we are both really uncomfortable with the situation. Problem is that I can't take my eyes off him and he keeps catching me looking at him. Although I have rejected him am I sending him mixed messages by this? In a sense I can't go near him 'cos I'm afraid that he could legitimately go to human resources just like I did. We don't actually work together on anything - we just happen to see each other every day. He must have asked me out thinking I had encouraged him in some way. He's tall, blond and handsome, incidentally. Shall I make peace with him or will this cause confusion? It must be pretty hard for him to have to see me interacting with other guys on a daily basis - but he's the one guy that I now feel that I can't talk to for legal reasons and yet I can't stop looking at him...why is this? Do I owe him an apology for leading him on or something? I know he still likes me and looks a little jaded if I have prolonged conversations with other men in the vicinity behind closed doors (meeting-related of course).
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affair, at work, crush, mixed messages, moved in Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I was in a similar situration: Flirted with a girl at work, went out a few times, she said she wasn't interested for a relationship so i backed off. Ever since then, i kept distance, only basic chatting but like in your case, i catch her to keep staring at me quite often. Our eyes might lock for a few seconds for no reason. I suspect she just misses my attention, maybe that's the same case for you.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 December 2009):
 Just because you're single is no reason to worry about every stray single man that crosses your path. You'd be better off concentrating on your current relationship and your job and spending less time thinking about other people's mindsets. Get a mirror and look in that instead.
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