A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,So my problem is that my grandmother(with whom I live with) absolutely hates the boy I'm dating. I am 17 years old, he is 18 and as of the moment she doesn't know we're dating. We've been dating for about 6 months now without her knowing but its getting harder to hide it from her with all the lying. Before we started dating, we were juat hanging out and talking and I told her about it and she went crazy on me and said if I wanted to be with him that I couldn't live there and couldn't keep my car(because it's in her name).I moved out and eventually had to move back in because I had no way to school and just told her me and him didn't talk anymore. She hates him because of what she's heard about him and his past. She's never met him, and he does have a somewhat of a bad past but he's changed a lot for the better. My parents and everyone knows about him and are fine with it but are no help to telling my grandma because she refuses to believe anyone over herself. I really want her to understand I really love and care for him but I don't know what to do to make her not take my car away or make me move out, and I'm not gonna break up with him either.My question is can you give me any advice on what to do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 You need to be honest, no matter how hard it is you need to be honest to yourself and everyone else and stop living a lie. You said you are not going to break up with him and that is your choice and nobody elses but yours. But you need to be honest with your granny. I guess you will just need to face the consequences she gives you. If she takes away your car and asks you to leave then I guess you just need to be independant for yourself and look after yourself. I know its not a nice choice to make but it looks like if you want to stay with this boy then thats the reality you are facing. Goodluck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Welcome to the beautiful world of developed countries and their child protection laws. If your grandmother is your legal guardian,(which I assume she is if you live with her), then she can not legally throw you out until you turn 18. She is obligated, as your guardian, to provide you with some sort of the three essentials (food, water, shelter) until you reach the age of majority, which in the U.S is 18. If she does, run down to the police station or social services office and they'll take care of her.
She's old fashioned, and only trying to watch out for your best interests, regardless of what you think. I can't tell you how many girls I've seen hurt by bad boys who have "changed", when in reality they rarely do., but who am I to judge.
Your options are as follows
1. Stop seeing the boy, find someone classier, and avoid the inevitable consequence of getting caught, because it will happen. You WILL NOT be able to convince your grandmoter; people of her and my grand parents age (im assuming 68-75) are totally stuck in their ways and damn near impossible to argue with. They're old, from a far more backwards and conservative time, and WILL NOT budge. It is no use at all.
2. Keep seeing the boy and run to the feds when you get tossed out. This is going to lead to some bitterness among you and your g-mom when you actually do get caught nd re-entered into your house by the gov't , but it will assure you shelter until you turn 18.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Well the only thing you can do is continue to lie to your grandmother, the one who houses you, given you a car and worries about who you date. From what you've written that sounds like the only option. That way you can have the best of both worlds, don't think too deeply about the morality of it though, or you might find yourself back here again.
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