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anonymous
writes: i'm at college, and my friend introduced to his mate in his class and now we have a good friendship but he told me that he's fallen in love with me and i turned him, but then i went over to his house to watch a film n we were laughing n joking around and then he started holding my hand and staring at me and trying to kiss me after the film, he leaned over and stared straight into my eyes and then kissed me and i kissed him back, i have strong feeling for him but i just didnt no what to do about it, we keept on kissing and we ended up making love, and there was no regreats about it and we had the best day just being together, but then he disided he couldn'y do commitment so were still seeing each other just not a proper couple, exsept now he has to meet his ex tonight and has told me that there's no chance of them getting back together, he hasn't told me how he feels about me sence the first time, but he no longer calles me darling or babe, and doesn't say nice things anymore, he use to always say nice sweet things like i was beautiful and had a gorgous smile, but now its like he just has to talk to me because he's sleeping with me, but now i'm feeling like he doesn't care about me and that he might be using me, i'm studying to be a beauty therapist and he's doing an i.t. course and is a goth, were trying to keep our relationship a secreat due to me being a year n 11 months older than him, and because of our friend that introduced him to me has also told him that he really likes me, so i dont no what to do, i don't no whats going on with him, or how he feels about me anymore, i love him and love to be round him even when he's ill and moody, so what can i do????
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 January 2005):
 Hi there,Actually, I think you DO know what's going on with him. You wrote as much in your letter. "It's like he just has to talk to [you] because he's sleeping with [you]".What's going on with him is, you're being used for sex and you seem to keep coming back to him, even though he acts like you're disposable. You keep coming back, even when he's "ill and moody", even when the conversation is nonexistant, even though you feel like he doesn't care about you, even though he doesn't call you pet names any more, even though he still sees his ex. And so on.I don't see that there's any issue with you two working out as a couple, if you both wanted it. You differing career interests could be overcome and the difference in ages will be negligible over the next few years, but he doesn't appear to be interested in anything more than he's already got. And what that is, is more of a "groupie" than a girlfriend. In essence, what you've written is that you love him and want to be around him, even though he treats you like rubbish and uses you for sex now and then.Sorry, I just don't see any reason to hang around with this guy any longer than in necessary. He isn't treating you well, and hasn't been able to promise that things will get better in future.Please consider making a clean break. Think of how much nicer it would be to have a boyfriend who does say he loves you, who does like to engage you in conversation, who does want a future with you and whose interests are aligned with yours. I promise you, that man is Out There; you just have to unshackle yourself from Goth Boy and go find him. You deserve better than this.Good luck!
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