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anonymous
writes: I have only been married for 2 and a half years an although i did love my husband very much its faded away, we have only had sex twice in the last 2 years and it was very brief to say the least. He is always working his job comes before me and our son, i cnnot rely on him at all as he has let me down so many times in the past i have stopped asking him for favours. For the past year and a half i have tried everything to spice our love life up even suggested we go and see a counciller but he just says's there is no problem and he is happy, i have tried entice him into bed but he just turns me down flat. Everynight he falls asleep on the sofa and comes to bed in the early hours of the morning, i feel totally fed up with this marriage. However 3 years ago i met this guy who i work with, we became the best of friends soul mates we confided in each other, he listens to all my problems at home and i listen to his. After about 6 months we started falling for each other. One thing led to another an after 6 months we both agreed to spend the night together. Is was the most fantasic night ever, not just the love making but the whole night, he made me feel so special, we have stayed away 5 times over the last 2 years and everytime it just gets better. We meet once a week not for sex just to talk with a few hugs and kisses we both feel so good when were together. He tells me everyday he loves me he buys me things and sends me love messages, we really have fallen for each other,the only thing stopping us from being together is the fact that if we both left our partners he would'nt see his boys, and i would feel guilty about my son not seeing his dad. We met last night and he told me that his wife was pregnant ouch!!! It hurts inside so much i have never felt pain like this before, he tells me that they are not keeping the baby as she does'nt want any more children . I really don't know what to do, hes been texting me all day saying he loves me and when the time is right we will be together, he rang me but i just put the phone down, i can't speak to him i don't know what to say to him, my insides hurt so much i really don't know what to do, any advice from anyone would be appreciated
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male
reader, tazx  +, writes (29 May 2011):
This post is quite old, so I think that the situation must have turned out somehow by now. I came across it to watch me in a mirror for many aspects of the case -although I'm male and there is no pregnancy involved, all the rest is almost and exact picture.I cannot give therefore wise advice but just much understanding, that I guess is not needed anymore. I would find very useful some feedback from the author of this post to get an idea of what I could have ahead, as I feel so confused and lost at the moment.
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female
reader, Tigersmom  +, writes (28 October 2009):
You need to ditch this man right away and either work on your marriage or get a divorce and move on with your life. Married men almost never leave their wives and the fact that he was sleeping with her while he was sleeping with you would leave one to wonder, who else was he telling his cock and bull story to and who else was he sleeping with. This happens all too often. Get out now, before YOU get pregnant with a child he will not take care of. It speaks volumes for him that his wife is not keeping the child whether it be through adoption or abortion. He wants his cake and eat it too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2005): There are many issues here that need to be dealt with. Firstly, you must tell your lover how you feel about the pregnancy. It is no use ignoring him and not speaking to him, as you will feel worse and worse. You need to explain that you feel upset about the pregnancy and whatever other feelings you have. Im guessing that you are angry that he still has a sexual relationship with his wife, and if he really loves you, then why is he still sleeping with her? When will the time be right for you and your lover to be together? Why does you lover not want to be in his relationship anymore? It is so important that you talk to him about these issues and how you feel. Your secret affair cannot go on like this. You need to mutually consent to either finishing this secret relationship or finishing the marriages. You must tell your husband how you feel about your marriage. He needs to know that you are upset and angry that his job comes first, and discuss together the marriage.When a marriage is failing, any other option looks and feels attractive...one might say 'any port in a storm.' In an emergency, we will accept help from any source and in any place, even from an unpleasant or unrealistic source. I am not saying that your lover is unpleasant, but is your possible future relationship with your lover a realistic one?
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