A
female
age
30-35,
*eacegirl2345
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He smokes pot everyday, all day. I hate it, but I'll do it every once in a while. I was sober from it for 2 years, up until June, then I smoked with him, towards mid/end of July, I smoked with my sister, then towards mid/end August, I smoked with my other sister, and I haven't since then. I don't know how he can stand being high 99.1% of the time. I could never. When he smokes weed in front of me, I look at the ground, won't talk to him, won't kiss him, keep my distance, and sometimes even cry. because he knows that I don't like it but he does it anyway. I'm slowly starting to accept it more, knowing he'll never quit, because I don't want to lose him. We fight about constantly and we've come way too close to breaking up. But my question is, do you think if I am more accepting with it, and stop acting like a child when he smokes in front of me, and sometimes smoke with him, we will become closer because I'll be more understanding, and do you think it will help stop us from fighting?
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 A simple way to avoid or stop fighting in relationship is for one person to accept and put up with whatever the other is doing that causes the fights. But stopping the arguments doesn't stop the inner frustration and hurt from eating away at you.
Smoking Pot every day is not healthy, neither is being high most of the time. You are at an age where you will be, or at least in the near future, taking on responsibilities and more stresses and face more set backs in your life. His response to that would be to get high rather than face his issues.
Ask yourself WHY he feels the need to get high so often. Whats he running from? Whats he loosing himself in a haze of pot smoke for? If he was happy and content he wouldn't be doing it as often as he does.
If your not careful you will end up both accepting it to the point where it seems normal and also smoking it more often yourself. Not wanting someone to smoke around you is not childish, its sensible. If you were to conceive with a man who smokes Pot so often, you run a much higher risk of problems with the pregnancy or the baby being effected by the Pot use.
Stopping fighting is only solving part of the issue. The bigger picture is that he is potentially ruining his own future and yours too. He needs to face responsibilities not hide from them in the big from Pot.
Mark
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 I don't think anyone in the right mind would suggest you accept his pot addiction. You will be happy if you are rid of him. What do you have to lose? A man who is not in touch with reality and can't take care of you. Being understanding is maybe if your guy is tired while you want sex, but you let him rest anyway. This is delaying instant gratification for the good of the relationship. What good is it to get high all the time and letting his dreams and ambitions go up in smoke?
You can try to understand addiction. His experience is not all that pleasant. He keeps doing it and doing it because it's painful once he stops and has no will power to stop it once and for all. He may be calling you a child to undermine your feelings and blame you for problems in the relationship.
If you blindly accept this habit it will stop you from fighting but inside you will become dead and your heart will turn black from sadness. You have a whole life ahead of you. You are not immobile, hopeless, totally dependent on him. He's a burden to you and emotionally he's dragging you down. I can't imagine how accepting the end of this relationship is so difficult compared to accepting his pot addiction.
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