A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:6 months ago I thought I married my best friend and love of my life. We were together for 3 years, lived together for the last 2. It was practically love at first sight! We waited to have sex for the first time. Even our first kiss took time, like 5 dates. Well, it was like the wedding destroyed our relationship! We had problems with both sides of the family like his family not wanting to participate in anything, despite saying they thought we were great for each other. My now husband and I were hurt, disappointed bs'd angry too. My family got upset because of this as well so that created animosity too. After that, the wedding went on. But it seemed as soon as the ceremony was over, he changed. He didn't speak much to me. I was busy as you can imagine so I brushed it off. Honeymoon was nice but not as romantic as I had hoped for. But not everything can be perfect, right? As soon as we got back, I was living in hell in our own home. He started being nasty to me after never talking or treating me that way. The last straw was a month after the wedding when he hit me. I've since filed for divorce. I won't be abused. My question is, why don't I feel worse? I'm not crying over this. It feels like none of this ever happened? It makes me ask myself, Did I love him? Is there something wrong with me? Even my friends and family are having a hard time believing how can I be taking this so well? I even went on a date! On the date, I did feel kind of sad because I thought, " I should be having this nice lunch with my husband, not another man!!" I don't have enough money to see a therapist so I can't do that right now. My parents had a bad relationship so I think that might be a factor. Please give me advice. Thank you all
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best friend, divorce, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): I agree. I think you're numb. Just be ready for the sea of emotions that may or may not hit you. They can range from anger, sadness, relief, depression, anxiety, resentment, etc. if those emotions are too much to bear then get some help. Therapy is NOT the be all, end all for all problems. You seem like a strong, intelligent person who'd rather hire a private therapist than go with a state funded one who is probably over worked and underpaid. In the States, it's called Medicaid or Medicare for the elderly and it's pretty common knowledge most of those providers are not the best, let alone even mediocre! But I have a hunch you're one of the lucky ones who isn't pulling her hair out over this. Good luck to you. You will be fine and good riddance. He seems like the textbook abuser, all sweet and kind until he thinks he has you, then let's the true him emerge. You saw the real him and ran. Good for you and be wary of some of these unhelpful, judgmental remarks.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 You're 30-35 and thought you were marrying your best friend. There were some red flags and finally the abuse was too much.
You say you can't afford a therapist--doesn't Canada have a national health care system? Get on whatever list you need to get on.
And I have to ask, why wouldn't your mental health and wellness he your absolutely top priority? Invest in your mental health now!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 September 2014):
 I think you are numb. I think that is why you can't feel a thing right now. You are without doubt blaming yourself a little too for not knowing HE was this guy too.
I don't think the marriage changed the guy, I think THIS is who is really is. Why he hid it till after the marriage? Who knows, but you are doing the right thing in NOT talking abuse from ANYONE.
You loved the guy you met and made friends with. Not they guy he is showing you little glimpses off and THAT is OK.
FOCUS on you for now, NOT him, or doubting yourself. Just don't.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 September 2014):
 I actually think this is a healthy response. Abuse of any kind has the ability to kill all the love you had, wake you up from a nightmare and jolt you to make a decision quick. Some women with low self esteem would stay hoping to change the man and be glad this isn't you!
Your story was odd. I don't see how complications in the in law relationships had anything to do with a bad honeymoon and your ex's temper. Was it because his family didn't pay for the wedding at all? Maybe he didn't feel loved by his parents and they've had long standing animosity in the family and he transferred that hatred onto you?
You don't feel bad because you are a practical person like me. You are confident with yourself and don't take hardships personally. If you are feeling happy then you don't need a therapist. I hope you enjoy your new date and not make a big deal out of your previous relationship.
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