A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to work with this girl at work and she has a very strong crush on me(workmates all know and she expressed her feelings of love many times).Quite awhile ago she left for another workplace, making sure I got her number to chat with her. I did for a few weeks, but then I stopped.While we were at the same workplace, I didn't date her etc. Not too long ago, I was told by someone who is in contact with her, that she really would like to text me but is not comfortable initiating it(she also passed on her new number to me).My issue is that I don't want to date her, just I enjoy her company for a chat and like chatting with her. Do you think I should text her? Will I be leading her on? Any other possible issues?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): No don't text her. If you don't want to go out with her then leave well alone. It would be cruel to lead her on.
A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (30 June 2015):
It is nice to see a guy who actually cares whether he leads someone on or not!!
So many men on social media - just use it to chat up whoever & sod the consequences!! So well done for thinking it through first!
Personally, just to be polite, I would drop her a quick text just to acknowledge her - but that's it - nothing more, nothing less. Then if she tries flirting back or anything just reply a few days later saying you're a bit busy so won't be able to talk much. Sooner or later she'll get the message!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 June 2015):
 I wouldn't bother texting her, you don't like her in that way and you'll just be feeding her hopes. This sounds a bit, well, obsessive?
Not everyone you know or work with is destined to be your friend, so don't worry about that.
As she's expressed her feelings of "LOVE" toward you, which is, well, a bit worrying, that's even more reason to distance yourself from her.
I would pop into Human Resources and have a quick chat about her and you, just so if she gets really really weird, you don't wind up with a horrible reputation and without a job.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2015):
 So IF she does the flirty or sexual stuff again, SHOT it down right away. Like "that is cute, but I don't flirt with my friends"... Basically FRIEND ZONE her.
IF she can't handle that SHE might cut the contact, but it will be HER choice and not because you did anything "wrong" or strung her along.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): Op to Honeypie, thanks, I never did any flirty or sexual stuff at work, she did that to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2015):
Text her as a friend. TREAT her as a friend. THAT means no flirty stuff, no sexual stuff and then I can't see how that is leading her on.
Maybe send the initial text with "I got the new number, and I figured I'd text my friend and see what you are up to." It's telling her you regard her as a FRIEND from the get go with out having to bend it in neon.
Letting he know you ALWAYS have room for a friend (emphasis on friend) is a good way to avoid some of the drama and/or misunderstanding. The thing is though IF she is still crushing on you... SHE isn't really LOOKING for a friend, she is hoping you will realize that she can be more than a friend. She isn't REALLY getting that you JUST want to be friends, so at SOME point you might HAVE to spell it out to her.
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