A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I always thought I'd go to college, move to a city, establish myself, go to graduate school, meet somebody along the way, and eventually we'd move to a suburb together and settle down. But I moved in with my parent (due to the economy) in a suburban/rural area after graduating a year ago with the plan to save up some money and eventually find work and housing in the city. I'm now 23, and I met a guy who I like at my interim job. I have doubts, as he is not as "responsible" or "together" as I am, and I sometimes wish for more intellectual stimulation. He is working on going back to college, etc., but I can't be sure he will follow through. However, he is a romantic guy with good character who loves kids, which is hard to come by, and he mellows me out and gives me a nice reality check. Maybe it doesn't matter so much if he is as savvy as I am. I go back and forth on this-- is he perfect, or is there a problem? I can't decide!So is it a better decision to stay and work, volunteer, make friends, get my own place, and continue dating him in this relaxing and beautiful area with fewer career prospects/people my age/things to do, or to leave him, move an hour away to the exciting and stimulating city, start over, and pursue the aforementioned 20-something ideal?I fear moving to the city will prove to be an idealistic dream, the reality of which will just be me paying high rent for crappier living conditions, becoming more shallow, stress, overwhelm, and loneliness. I could fail to thrive. I could never find another relationship this great.I fear staying here is not challenging enough, a way of escaping and hiding, and that this guy is not worth reconsidering my initial plans for. It seems too good to be true. An important phase/stage hasn't occurred yet. I fear regretting this, thinking I let him hold me back, and midlife crisis.Perhaps moving to the city is a reversible decision while staying here is not. Perhaps this is a values issue-- is harmony, comfort, "enough", partnership, modesty, safety, family, and the familiar more important and ultimately more fulfilling than career, challenge, excitement, achievement, recognition, and the satisfaction of having struggled and made it on my own? I have always been an overachiever, and I wonder if this is something I should abandon because it is harmful, or if this is something I shouldn't deny because I will forever wonder what I could have become. Still, there is no reason I can't achieve here... ahh! I am so conflicted! Any insight?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 It is about your happiness and what you want out of life. You may get to enjoy more perks in the city but it is a lonely and fast paced life as they called it the rat race.
Time passed very quickly and soon you will find that you are just a number and like those countless hardworking ants or bees , born and die working like a slave.
What is the purpose and aim in life?
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (12 May 2010):
OK, at nearly 50 I feel that I have something to offer... something that I wish I'd been able to hear at your age.
First, happiness comes from within. My high school freinds went multiple directions, law school, banking, TV, truck driver, teacher, sheriff (who would have thought!), DA, Architect, Engineers, Rock and Roll techie (Major bands) and blue collar jobs. Guess what? The blue collar guys are without a doubt the happiest. The lawyers are MISERABLE, either divorced or never been married. The Rock and Roll guy, divorced, drug issues and major health problems.
The one's who didn't chase their parents expectations of them appear to be the happiest. The one (ONE) who married for pure love is the ONLY married one who's not been divorced. One's a Chaplin (was 100% not religious in HS) and he lives a funky lifestyle in Colorado- appears to be really enjoying life.
You have to take risks in life, sometimes that's a move, sometimes it's staying put. Consider your motivations, money can't be the primary one, happiness should be, and if you measure money as happiness you really need to talk to more people...
Midlife crisis (IMO) are a result of the relationship not being maintained by the partners. Keep your relationship alive, talk, share, be playful, and when you're needs aren't met SAY SOMETHING in a constructive way... relationships take work all the time, every day, every year.
Life is an adventure- make the trip with someone who'll be there for you!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 I'm afraid only you can decide what to do. You could stay where you are, or move to the city, and both would be perfectly valid options for your own life. If you should fail in any road you choose, that won't mean the other road would have been successful, or at least better than the one you finally take. And you're bound to lose something whatever you do. If I knew you better, perhaps I would have something deeper to guide me, but, things being as they are, I can only tell you to open your eyes, think dispassionately (if possible) and choose one option.
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