A
male
age
36-40,
*rettyscrewed
writes:Ive been on and off with the love of my life (hands down) for awhile now...shes very finicky and runs off for nothing-issues often. She left me again on her birthday the other day and is telling me via text that we shouldnt be together. Ive been with alot of women... dont tell me ill find someone else. I cant put into words how certain i am but suffice it to say she is the one for me. She's inexperienced with relationships, having had one prior boyfriend and a few flings. She's dumped me before and ive gotten her back..She sounds very serious this time and i found out she is planning on moving across the country with her friend. If i let her go ill wonder for the rest of my life if i could have changed her mind... where is the line between romance and being a creep? I've never felt like this over someone and i cant let her go. If it entails me saving money and following her across the country i totally would... but typing that now it seems a bit ruined. I dont want to live without her. Im losing my mind. Input/advice is greatly appreciated
View related questions:
money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): Your situation sounds peculiarly like my situation with my ex -- except I would be the female in this situation and my ex in his 30's (although since he LIED about his age, who knows). What were these "nothing-issues" in your relationship? In mine, my ex didn't seem to comprehend that calling your girlfriend every name in the book and putting her down on her physical appearance, character, and even dreams wasn't acceptable. Even then, he was all speak, and no show. He refused to give me a flower, even after saying he wanted to give me a gift to thank me for helping him get his PHD. He refused to buy a refrigerator or get internet/cable or even clean his house (which gave me a horrible eye infection that took 4 eye doctors to fix...and it still isn't A-OK). He expected me to do my schooling/studying, help him with his, clean his house, cook for him, and stay in his filthy house with nothing to do since there wasn't even a television or phone! I would have to ride home to drop of my stuff, ride to the grocery store, then ride to your house every single time I was supposed to cook. I remember being 5 minutes late once and he was leaving his house. I asked him where he was going and he cussed me out and said HE was going out to a restaurant -- The same guy who was 2-4 hours late to see me for the two days before that!He insisted that he pay for all meals in the beginning of the relationship, and told me to stop thanking him. I later found out that he thought that even a prostitute (He had also been with a lot of women in his past -- prostitutes) deserved to be taken out to eat before being fucked. Fair enough, because that is the only money he spent on me that he later would turn around and call me a prostitute repeatedly! Anyway, after a few months of dating he started complaining that I should learn to drive and take him places/pay. Although the 100-200 USD he gave me to buy groceries for 1-2 months was obviously not enough, and I would spend my own money, on our final day together, in a crowded Starbucks I offered to pay. He cussed me out TWICE, and of course people were watching and my mom was right outside. He told me many times that he would get a refrigerator/internet/cable. Of course, Mr. Cheapo the Liar was too cheap to get internet/cable or even a refrigerator to distract me from my burning eyes with yellow junk coming out of them from the filth (despite my attempts to clean repeatedly). And of course, if I wasn't there I was a cheating whore. Despite constantly feeling sick, he would force me to have sex whenever HE felt like it. 2 am? Ok. 7 am while I was sleeping? Sure, why not! And of course, despite telling him that it was painful, he often refused to use lubricant and would just forcefully shove himself on in. Of course, being young and inexperienced I didn't take the fact that he forced himself on me on the second date as a red flag -- I blamed myself for having visited his house. He also held me underwater, threw stuff at me, threw me out of a car, often ignored me, lied to me numerous times, ditched me many times, and overall treated me like garbage except for the very infrequent times he would proclaim that I was "The One" and that he was "so lucky to have me." Also, that cubic-zirconia ring and used bag sold buy a hooker was so thoughtful -- especially from a "Doctor". Too bad I could have bought all that stuff on my own with all the MONEY I WAS OWED! Oh, and after 3 months, I finally (and stupidly) decided to give him a second chance. And guess what? Of course nothing changed, and I was constantly being accused of being a slut, mattress, and cheater. Funny since he is the one who cheated MULTIPLE times on his wife and ex girlfriends, lied to me from the first date (age. Although it was actually clear he was no longer in his 20's, I never said a thing.), and was the one who would act suspicious.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): Look at the bigger picture my friend. It's a huge commitment to move half way across the world for a person who is uncertain in themselves if they are willing to be with you. In a world populated with 6 billion people, I'm sure you will find the right person. Proximity to family, social supports, friends and having a steady job are also important in life. I'm afraid you may be chasing a mirage and will end up sore and sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 February 2013):
 well if you think she's the one and you will forever regret not trying to get her back, then by all means, you should try. you should pursue her and make an effort.now moving across the country would be a bad idea. i can honestly say that i believe that if you love something, you have to let it go. if it was meant to be, it will definitely come back to you. if she leaves, you never know what may happen later on down the road. life has a funny way of working out. and if you never get back together, well, life just had other plans for you. i truly believe that everything happens for a reason. every crappy thing that's ever happened in my life has always turned out for the best in the end. i just didn't see it at the time. sometimes you don't see it until years later. but take peace in that knowledge. i can honestly say i was CERTAIN i'd met "the one" when i was in college. we dated off and on like you and your girl did for five years until i was about 25. never did i once ever question that this person was the right one for me. i was that certain. then life happened and here i am, years later, and we are fantastic friends now and my ex is now engaged to be married to someone else and i'm more than happy in a relationship with someone else, myself. the things we think we're so certain of aren't always the case in the end. keep an open mind to that. i'm not suggesting she's not the one. she may very well be. but if it doesn't work out, find peace in the fact that she wasn't the one, and when you find the girl of your dreams later in life, it'll all make sense. best of luck.
...............................
|
