A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was best friends with a girl from 7th grade until about 11th grade in high school where she got somewhat popular and completely ditched me. She has had a lot of best friends throughout the years, I know she is a flip-flopper when it comes to having best friends so when she started calling me again about a year ago I was skeptical to get too close to her. She would always say "I love you, you're my best friend" etc. and i told I was afraid because of how she left me in high school. We are both mothers to young children now and after she had a falling out with her close friend who lives right by her she and I were really close for the last year. She called me 5 times a day, first thing in the morning, we hung out with our kids, made plans, etc. We were best friends. She told me she wouldn't hurt me again and that she is a different person now. Recently she started talking to the friend with whom she had a falling out about a year ago. At first she tried hiding the fact that they walk together every morning but eventually admitted it, she would call me only after a certain time because (I assume) she was with her. Now the communication is less and less and she has had so many excuses as to why she hasn't gotten in touch with me for ex. in the last week: her phone got wet and the speaker blew out, her phone was shut off when I texted her (although on my end it said the text went through) she left her phone at her mom's house, her battery was dead.. just all these excuses that she never used before when we were really close. I think she is trying to hide the fact that she is replacing me with the other girl. They live in the same complex so it is easy for them to be friends. I live about 15 miles from her. I just don't know what to do because I feel like she thinks I believe her when she says to me "I only walk with her, we don't even hang out" but it just doesn't add up. I accept that she is friends with the other person but I wish she wouldn't lie to me about it and that she would try to include me but I am afraid that if I confront her she will tell everybody and I will look like a jealous person. I am trying to move on but it's hard. We did everything together and I really don't have any other close friends or anyone who lives nearby to befriend. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): It's sounds like the two of you just have different personalities and ideals. You want a more intense, loyal and rewarding friendship; while your friend sounds more extroverted and needs lots of people around, but this means a less intense friendship. It isn't right for your friend to lie to you or make up excuses about why she can't see you. It may be time to meet others like you by joining an exercise class, mommy and tot class (depending on the age of your kids), a book club, etc.
Keep your distance from your friend and see if she responds. She may also like the attention she gets from you by ditching you for her other friend. If you just stop all communication, she'll get curious about where you went and will call you.
A
female
reader, MsBehavin +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Why can't you arrange a girls night out, or lunch or tea or whatever for all of you to get together? Approach it from the angle that if your BFF likes her, you'll like her, too. Maybe if everyone hangs out it'll take pressure off your friend to feel like she has to juggle both friendships.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Be her friend what else can you do. You can't dictate to her who she can and cannot hang out with. If she is sociable and has friends that is part of her, maybe you can join them for those walks. If she doesn't tell you can it be because she is scare of what you would think. Talk to her and ask her to include you in her activities and let her know that you feel left out. If you feel lonely because you don't have no friends near by than take this opportunity to meet new people.
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