A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well me and my ex broke up back in August. We still texted each other every now and then. We were getting along really good and then one day she says she wants me to leave her alone, so I do. I deleted her from my facebook and I deleted her number from my phone. she has dated other guys since me and I've dated other girls but it doesnt work out because none of them compare to her. Well a couple weeks ago she sends me a friend request on facebook. I accepted it. We've been talkin a little bit on there. Her bf just dumped her a few days ago. I still have feelings for her but idk if I should tell her and im not sure how. I don't want to sound needy but I want nothing more than her. My question is should i tell her how i feel? Or keep it to myself? And if i should tell her how do i go about doing that without sounding needy? Thanks
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female
reader, BuffytheSlayer  +, writes (25 November 2009):
I don't think that you should tell her. If you and your ex were broken up, then you should have stopped communicating for a while, to allow yourself to move on. Friends after breakups don't work, and your ex realized this after a while, and thus she asked you to not contact her, because it kept reminding her of her feelings for you. Most likely that gave her the space to move on after that, but her relationship didn't work out. Now she's on the rebound, because she got hurt and she wants to go back to the past when you and her were together.
People tend to want to get back together after they have had unsuccessful relationships with other people, so that they could forget their emotional baggage from that relationship.
unfortunately it doesn't really work that way. If it wasn't just after her breakup that she contacted you, then you could assume she got over the emotional aspect of your past relationship, and really wants to start over and make it work. But the fact that she messaged you RIGHT after her breakup means that shes just trying to get closure with a shortcut. If you give in so easily, you might end up together for a short while, but eventually history will repeat, the other boyfriend might want to get back together or she meets a new guy and things get messy and you get hurt all over again. This just sounds like a rebound.
I'm not saying you shouldnt tell her at all. I'd just recommend giving it sometime. meet some new people, find things to do, and let things unravel slowly. If after a longer period of time, you decide to tell her and do end up back together, make sure you establish the conditions of your relationship, and consider why it didnt work out before, so those same issues don't arise.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 November 2009):
Ask yourself this. Why has she contacted you? The truth is, she might be feeling the same way. Normally I would say leave the past behind, but if she has been dumped, then it suggests that things haven't worked out and she really might want a second chance. I think you can afford to talk to her about how you feel. Just say you'd really like to meet with her again and see where it leads. You'll at least find some closure if it doesn't work out.
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