A
female
age
36-40,
*oil
writes:I met this guy a year ago and we have been dating since. We get on so well, and have become best friends. When we met he had just had a major surgery and was recently divorced. Since getting to know him he has had such a hard two years. He has expressed many sides, sometimes he says he dosnt want a gf he wants to be single and free. Other times he makes comments about how we are perfect together and how he never thought he would want to be with just one person so quick. He has a lot of built up anger still. His ex, in a nut shell, was mean slightly evil and controlling. Uses their kids against him if she does not get what she wants. When he gets angry usually about her he vents to me. Last vent he said I don't want a gf I want to be free. I told him that made me feel as if there was someone else and It hurt. He said he didn't want anyone else only me and if he did we wouldn't be dating still. He the. Said I think I love you but I don't know if I really no what love is. I have kept myself very closed for letting my feelings get too strong and so I said nothing back... Now it feels like he is pushing me away..... I afraid to love him because I am so afraid of being hurt.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 November 2015):
This is a very difficult situation for you to deal with and from your letter You are very aware of the pitfalls and that is half the situation.However while you make allowances for your boyfriend that is ok but ony to a cetain extent.[1]You must think of you-you have feelings you have hopes you have fears of being hurt by this man It would be a good idea to sit down with this man and have an indept chat with him-telling him how his hot and cold behaviour is affecting you.Because there is 2 people here Y0U AND HIM and he must be made aware of this.It is very unfair and unkind of him to vent his bad moods on you.Ask him what he wants.Try and be firm and gentle yet find out where he is at[that if he knowa himself]You are quiet right to hold on to your feelings untill you find out if there is a future with him.Best luck.NORA B.
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