A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I hope you're all well.So basically I feel and think that I will seriously never meet anyone who I feel a close connection and chemistry with.A few years ago was the worst time of my life. I had no confidence and was very unstable basically. I was seeing someone who I'd met online who I felt a lot of chemistry with and who was lovely and my 'type'. He cared about me a lot and showed it. We'll call him Guy A. I went off with someone else -an ex who I had gotten involved with before I knew Guy A. This ex was quite clingy and he kept text-messaging me after I'd dumped him, and begging for me to take him back. Just constant messages that I felt annoyed, and then eventually just guilty about.I stayed with Guy A as I preferred him to Ex -who after a few weeks I felt was only really into me because he wanted me to fulfil his "Taken/In a relationship" status, liked the fact I was a virgin, and was very lonely because "everyone always dumps me". All of those factors, plus him telling me he loved me after a mere 4 days of knowing me, was why I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. However, I kept going back with Ex as my feelings for him kept changing. I was also in a very bad place(I couldn't find work, had bad health issues, the whole feeling lots of self-hatred/hopelessness/depressed/up and down all the time)which looking back I feel really influenced me and my decisions then. I also didn't get on with family/had problems there and so I think I stayed out with this guy so I didn't have to go home (the nice guy I met was living with other family and I couldn't stay overnight there at the time for housing/space reasons). 3 years ago I broke things off with Ex as I EVENTUALLY saw his true colours and was realizing I didn't like him as much as I did when I was a teenager (the whole time I went off with him he did the bare minimum to keep me around as his gf, sat playing pc games while I was with him, rarely took me out). I got over him within a month of breaking up with him.Guy A and I are still seeing each other but can't be together because of things that happened with us, beside the cheating (his family won't allow us to be together).I am an adult now and for about 3/4 years I've not been able to get over all the stuff I did in the past. More so, I feel closer Guy A now more than I ever did with Ex (and yes, I know it serves me right)and it's devastated me that I can never be with him. I've tried to get over him and accept reality but I really feel like I'm in love with him as I care about how he feels, am sensitive to his needs and feel extremely close to him. I don't recall ever feeling like this about Ex.I'm scared I'm going to never meet anyone who cares about me as much as Guy A did and in spite of everything that happened in the past when I was a horrid, cold bitch. The past 2/3 years we've arranged to meet to "do things" and also sending him pictures, which isn't like me at all, but I did/do it to show how sorry about everything I did to him :SI'm sorry I've rambled so much :/
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 You will. In time but you HAVE to let go of the past.
And sending naked pics to a guy because you "feel" you owe him or "feel" sorry for your past actions is NOT smart at all. You have no idea what he CAN do with those if he feels HE needs "revenge" on you, then you GAVE him the "perfect ammo.
Don't give ANYONE nudes of you. If you date them they can "see" you in the flesh. It's just the SAFER option these days.
But I would let A go, and stop the contact so you CAN move on.
YES, you made mistakes and bad choices in the past but HOPEFULLY, you have now learned what NOT to do in your NEXT relationship.
Stuff happens and you move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): Don't send anyone your intimate pictures. And don't ever feel guilted into doing anything sexual if that's not something that you want. Anyway through love, honesty and loyalty show A that you've changed and are not a cheater any more.
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