A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was doing so well. Not thinking about her as much as I used to. Not remembering the happy times we spent together. I tried my hardest to blot out all of the memories from the best parts of my past. I kept myself active. I worked out, ate healthy and faked happiness when I was depressed. After almost six months of not seeing her, I felt like I was finally moving on. That was until this morning while I was sitting at the laundromat. I had plenty of time to ponder while I waited for my clothes to dry.Before I could stop myself, I started to think of her. Maybe all the memories flooded me because this was the very laundromat we went to just a few weeks before we broke up. Maybe that was a huge mistake on my part. I should have just went the extra mile to find a different one. Maybe I could have avoided the tearing sensation to shed a few tears. We weren't meant to be. We made plans to have kids but deep down we knew that it was never going to happen. I secretly wanted to marry her but I knew she would deny me. We made empty promises that could never have seen the light. We weren't even a couple yet I treated her as if she was my last drop of water in a never ending desert. We were only FWBs but somehow became emotionaly closer, yet still too far to be an official couple. To make it even worse, I think the reason why she got so distant was because I wanted to get closer. That hurts more than I thought it ever could. I wanted a family with her. She agreed to give me one but I felt the hesitation in her heart. She wasn't ready for a family. . .or at the very least, one with me. After three long years of being with her, I now have to accept the fact that she's gone forever. It hurts. I know I have to move on but I can't get her out of my head. I've seen girls that I like but I can't get that special feeling I had with her back. She was my first. Will I ever feel a love as strong as I did with her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): you've been bravely coping, but not all coping methods are equally effective. Yours was to suppress memories. I think suppression is only a short term coping skill, for like when you need to get through the week or the month because of other obligations in your life. But the suppressed memories will eventually creep into your mind when you have your guard down and are not actively working at holding them back.
I think the next stage is for you not to block out the memories, but to face them and acknowledge and feel the pain. train yourself to think different thoughts, until some day the pain becomes less intense and then fades.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for lending me your ears. it really makes me feel better to know there are other people experiencing the same thing. That lets me know that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I do miss her, but I have accepted that she isn't the one for me. Also, 'Aunt Honesty' you are right. I do have to find a different way in dealing with my loss instead of trying to force it out of my mind. After I read your post, I thought of all the stuff that we use to do. It brought tears to my eyes but was soon followed by a smile.
I feel lucky to have experienced such a love so strong and compeling in the beginning. I don't want to take that for granted. I'll always remember her for that person, but right now, I have to be the best I can be for me. Thank you all for taking the time to respond and help me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): I know how it feels. Sorry to hear that you're sad. But to simply answer you question: yes, you will find someone you love as strongly. It might not have happened yet, and it might take a long time, but it WILL happen. Someone who loves you as much as you love them, someone who deserves your love and wants to be close to you. I have been heartbroken for the past two years too and the longer it takes, the less hopeful I get. In the beginning I tried to listen to people who said "it's all for the better." Yes I'm telling you there will be times when you simply don't believe it, because all you feel is hurt. But once I said to my friend again, "But it's been so long and I still haven't met someone special!" He said, it's exactly because you haven't found that person, or else you wouldn't be saying this. Isn't that true? The whole time before that special person comes you'll feel there's no one like the person you were with - until that special someone comes along! Be hopeful! You know you are an amazing person :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 April 2012):
 You blocked everything out, faked to people that you where happy so yes it is going to come back on you every now and then, you can't block out three years off your life. It is okay to feel sad about it and remember how things used to be. You need to find another way of dealing with it instead of trying to forget about it. You have made a huge improvement, this is just a set back. You need to accept that it is over now, which I can see that you have. You now need to start looking at other girls and giving them a chance. Don't compare them to her. She was a big part of your life and no girl can just come in and measure up to that at the start, but if you give someone a chance you can grow to love them as well. FWB situations are just horrible things because they always leave someone completely heart broken. So remember next time not to enter yourself in to one of these situations. Good luck and all the best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2012):
 yes you will love again...
you are moving along getting better and every so often the pain rears it's ugly head... it's NORMAL...
3 years means you need about a year or so to heal probably...
it's two steps forward three steps back 3 steps forward two steps back.. it's not all straight forward..
I bet tomorrow morning is a bit better...
and in two days it will be better still...
and you will move forward
and heal a bit more
then it will hit again...
and then you will start all over.. move forward.. heal a bit more...
something reminds you of her... miss her... miss WHAT SHE REPRESENTS.... and the dreams and hopes you have...
and then it starts over... life goes on... and you give yourself permission to feel sad... it's normal.
give yourself permission to grieve and miss her and WHAT she REPRESENTED....
feelings ebb and flow... as you have learned...
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