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Am I allowed to tell him I don't trust him on his holiday?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 April 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I don't trust my boyfriend to go on a lads holiday with his 2 mates (one who is single and the other who is taken but has the mind of a single boy) because my boyfriend lied to me and cheated on me 2 years ago (hasn't done anything since). Am I allowed to tell him this or do I just wave him off goodbye and torture myself for a week? Please help :(

View related questions: cheated on me

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2012):

N91 agony auntOf course you're allowed to tell him, but there's a very high chance it'll cause an argument.

It's no wonder you're going to be a little wary as he's been unfaithful in the past and at least you'll be getting your concerns out in the open to him. If it will make you feel better then sure, tell him. Just be prepared for the possibilty of a backlash.

Good luck.

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A female reader, matildasummer United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2012):

Hello.

Well, obviously the cheating monsters have raised there ugly head again. Not your fault though, it's only to be expected as you had your trust crushed 2 years ago in the worst possible way. I put it to you, If your worrying about this, how can you trust him for the duration of your relationship, say when he goes away again, or stays somewhere where you aren't there for work reasons etc.. You will be asking yourself the same question you posted just here. Like I said, it's only human you are worrying, but if you tell him you are worried, are you sure your not really just reminding him not to cheat on you when he goes away? If so, that is not healthy, it should just be an un spoken thing that he should be true to you no matter what company he is in "lads holiday" or not. That's the MINIMUM you should expect from another in a relationship, and you should NOT feel grateful that he comes back from his holiday having not cheated on you (even then, no doubt, you will still be wondering what if... Not your fault again, his)

So, this really is down to you and how you want to play it. For, after two years clearly trust from you is understandably a big issue. You think you deserve to be "tortured" for a week, and the rest of your relationship? Would his assurance even help if you told him you felt? By all means do so.. Are his words enough?

Please demand what you deserve. 

Best wishes.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2012):

I think that you can talk to him about how you feel. His response in many ways will tell you what he's thinking. Either he'll listen and try to reassure you, or he won't give a damn. For honesty's sake, it's best at least to tell him you're worried after what happened.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (24 April 2012):

aunt honesty agony auntThe trust was obviously broken two years ago, and I believe once it is gone you can never get it fully back, course you can tell him but he might not be to happy about it. But you need to be honest to yourself in a relationship so its best to be honest with him as well. However honey if there is no full trust in the relationship you should really be asking yourself can you see this working long term because it would not be fair to torture yourself every time he goes away or else to make him feel guilty for going.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntAre you ALLOWED?

of course you are allowed.

will it make him angry... it might

but if you need to tell him how you feel for your peace of mind it's a risk you should take.

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