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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband had an affair...3 years ago..he is trying everything to make it up to me....I just can't find the passion anymore, will I ever love this man again..?? He keeps telling me I will love him the same way just needs some time....Im lost.. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, I really need all the feedback I can use, it's been really rough and yes I do wonder what he is up to, and I guess the description of a "pig" yes I do think that suits him, he thinks by avoiding me and the kids, will make it an easier transition, instead it's making everyone hurt especially his 16 year old daughter, who had to deal with this when she was 12. He will come to, someday, but someday might be to late to repair his relationship with his kids..with me well I know where I stand, same place I stood 3 years ago betrayed and the unsure that the man I married died in my heart.
thanks to everyone...It just hurting alot 21 years..wow I guess I will never make it to 25years... :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): plse give yourself more time. time does heal but you will always wonder what he is up to. he also should not just expect you to forget and move on, if he does then he is a pig. yes you feel lost and you feel "if he loved me, how could he/", you will also question your lives together.
for how long did he have the affair. did he confess OR did you catch him out.
Many emotions going through you and only time and him can change what you are going through. do not be hard on yourself, one day at a time. if you feel like crying, then do. want to scream, then do it. just mourn this betrayal any which way you want to. good luck
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Bless you, what a miserable position to be in. And doesnt it irritate you when they say give it time and you will love them again. The confidence they have!! My partner let me down very badly. And then worked hard at being loving and trustworthy. After the event! I loved him and tried to forgive him. Id have good days and bad days. On the bad days i covered up how i felt because i didnt want to "go on about it" or nag. I knew he felt awful and was being extra attentive as a result. I couldnt fault his damage limitation skills. But they just didnt work on me. The number of bad days overtook the good ones. I was so angry with the little rat. But even angrier with myself for being too weak to just kick him to the kerb and move on. As i became more down about it he would be cheery and tell me id learn to love him again. Until one day he said if i couldnt move on, it would be better to part company. That woke me up! I decided that i couldnt move on. So i packed his bags and threw him out. That woke him up too! I had him back. On the understanding that i couldnt just move on because that was what he wanted. And if i was having a bad day i wouldnt bottle it up. I would vent. And i do! I tell him its a bad day and hes an A hole, i dont love him and will never trust him again and hes ruined our relationship. It sounds awful and i can hear people thinking we should just part company. But its working for us. I dont bottle things up anymore so the bad moods have gone. I see how sorry he is and how he does love me because he puts up with my "bad days" and is still here after they pass. And the hurt is healing. It takes time, it isnt pretty or perfect but we are getting there. If you really love each other as i suspect you do, dont give up. Search for a way to recover your feelings for him. Either with counselling or whatever other method works for you. It will be worth it x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): You should try therapy, but if that doesn't help and you just can't bring yourself to "loving" your husband....then maybe moving on is the best choice for you....I don't know. It's a choice you have to sit down and think through before making a choice. It's always hard to trust someone that has betrayed you...esp. when it involves cheating.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Aww man. That's devastating. :(
The issue you're having now is that you're trying to restore the previous relationship. That relationship is dead, the one your husband trashed with the affair. He can't will you to forget what happened, and you can't will yourself to forget and re-extend trust to him.
The only way your marriage is to survive is to start completely over. I'm talking about ditching the familiarity, the old arguments, the stale crap. You have to court again. He has to WIN you again. You have to get to know each other again because the affair happened because of a loss of communion.
It may never work, but that's your only shot. I know people upon having an affair actually came out on the other side closer than ever, and it was all from starting over completely.
Whenever we think we know someone, they surprise us. We are always changing and evolving as people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Ask yourself what it is that has changed. It sounds like either you don't trust him anymore and therefore can't truly love him again, or if you do trust him after 3 years of good behavior, your ego can't handle the hurt he inflicted upon you.
The former you can't fix. The latter you can fix with some couples therapy.
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