A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This post has turned out to be really long, I’m sorry, I just started writing and didn’t realise. I’m a 25 year old girl who has a mental block during sex/fooling around. I’m starting to think I’m not normal. I have the loveliest boyfriend. I should be enjoying being intimate with him, and I do, but as soon as it feels good I freak out.I don’t know, it’s like when I become aware of it feeling good I suddenly can’t stand it. I feel stupid, I can’t explain it. When I’m with my boyfriend I feel turned on, and love kissing him and I do enjoy having sex or fooling around to a point. But then when it starts to feel sensitive for me it’s like I suddenly become aware of what we’re doing and that it’s sensitive and just freak out/cry/start apologising to my boyfriend/thinking I’m not normal. For as long as I can remember it’s been like that, and I really can’t get out of it.I am really close to my boyfriend of 3 years, and he is so understanding about it. He has tried every way to make me feel comfortable and not freak out but it just doesn’t happen. I’m so lucky because he doesn’t push me into anything or to carry on and when I get upset or freak out he cuddles me and doesn’t mind. It was the same with my ex boyfriend, who I loved for 2 years, before him. I know it’s nothing to do with the guys, it’s me.I’ve tried relaxing and spending a while trying to explore my body on my own and what I enjoy but I get so far and freak out and can’t go any further. Throughout the years I’ve tried so much to get out of this block. Having a relaxing bath, listening to music, etc even watching a bit of porn on my own but however relaxed I get it’s like I reach a mental block that I can’t forget about and just focus on how I can’t do it, then I just stop. I also try really hard to pleasure my boyfriend and him enjoying it trying to forget about me but I spoil it for him, I freak out…It sounds stupid but I’ve tried even not focussing on it at all, just watching the television or talking about something different while my boyfriend pleasures me, to try and take my mind off it and see if anything happens, but I just freak out. I’ve even tried role play and using vibrators, gel, etc with my boyfriend to try and put myself into a character. I did enjoy that, and got really turned on, but still, got so far and just spoil it all.Another thing.. it sounds silly but when I do pleasure myself or my boyfriend does, I can’t put my finger inside me. When I do, or when he does, it’s just like I focus on his finger going in, out, in, out, and can’t focus on anything else. It just freaks me out.. I do enjoy him playing with my clitoris though, and it doesn’t freak me out when we have sex.. just his finger.. I should be enjoying that.. ?I can’t talk to any of my friends about it. Ever since we were all younger and started getting boyfriends we have talked about sex. They’ve all joked/spoke about orgasms throughout the years, and I’ve gone along with it. I can’t turn around at 25 and ask them, I just feel stupid.I don’t know what I’m asking.. I just suppose I want someone to write that they feel the same way.. I’m 25 and I’ve never had an orgasm, im getting older, what is wrong with me? It’s not so much that I haven’t had an orgasm that is the issue though. I don’t focus on trying to have one, I just freak out.. Every time, for as long as I can remember, I get a mental block, I freak out, it feels like I don’t want to do it anymore and I don’t think I’m ever ever going to get over it ?
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clitoris, kissing, my ex, orgasm, porn, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Damn, Damn, damn.. your bringing tears to my eyes, because I know exactly how you feel and your much too young to suffer like this..
Can you register with Dear Cupid.. I would prefer talking to you in private by the messaging system...
Keeping an eye on this post.. you need to feel comfortable with masturbation on your own first.. so please, continue looking at pornography (if it turns you on) erotic books, or anything that makes you feel sexy and horny...
There's is a wonderful book that helped me when I was young.. A feminist book on sexuality, I'll try to see if I can find a reference to it..
Masturbation for now.. and don't worry, your not alone, and you are lucky that your with men who understand, love and adore you.
Yes, you may probably have some sexual abuse in your childhood, or childhood issues left over from your parents.. This is an issue about control and letting go, believing your good enough to have pleasure and trusting that someone will be there to save you if you fall (orgasm)
Please send me a private message if you can.. :)
And yes.. you do need counselling, this problem can be solved, but you need someone to help you see why you have this blockage..
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Something happened to you when you were younger. You need some extended therapy/counselling to find out what happened to you and try to unlock what's going on. Don't worry about the stigma of therapy, you're fixing what's broken in your psyche, and you'll be happy you did.
Invest some time in yourself and get some professional guidance. Trust me...at 25, if you can do this, you'll save yourself YEARS of heartache.
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