A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that a guy I dated for a while a few years ago is now married and has a daughter. I learned this as I am dealing with the end of my own 2 year relationship (the longest I have had).I feel that the guy who is married was a really nice guy and did like me....I just was not attracted to him, and he irritated me at times with certain things he would say over and over again. I feel foolish for not giving him a chance, he seemed to be a really nice guy.Since him, I have dated a guy who was not monogamous, and I had a long relationship with a great guy that I did so much for, but, because of our differences, decided to end things.I also have 2 previous exes from years ago that i think are also married and probably even have kids. It seems like I did a lot for the guys I was with, but they never thought I was really good enough to go to the next level with. I am getting older, and very worried about finding someone that will want to marry me and have children with me. I am seeing friends from long ago who are all getting married and having babies.How do you deal with these kinds of feelings? I feel very left behind and I feel like I had a lot of life difficulties while everyone else was having fun and just being young. I just feel worried and sad at times. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the guy who is now married liked me, but I did not like his personality so much. I always felt like he wasn't really being honest. If I had liked his personality, I would have found him attractive---that is how I am...if the guy really wows me mentally, I look past the physical aspects (unless he is like, 90, then that may be a bit too much to look past---maybe).
We didnt have much to talk about and I just felt like he wasn't being sincere.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Well, it sounds like you fell for the guys who wasn't serious about you and the one guy that may have wanted a long lasting relationship with you was pushed aside simply because, he was "too nice" and not attractive enough in your opinion. Maybe at the time you didnt' think much of him and thought that you would encounter something "better" and now since you realize all these years later that you haven't, you are not looking back and wondering "what if?" This is what happens to alot of people---the people we should take notice too, we don't. We take them for granted, thinking that we will find somebody else that is better looking, better in bed, has more money, a better body, funnier, and so forth and so on, until we realize that is a falsehood.
At this point, all you can do is read up on relationships and make sure you are mentally, physically and emotionally ready for a strong and long term relationship. Don't get into desperate mode because, you will only settle thus ending up with the wrong guy all over again. Moreover, I hope you have learned your lesson in not taking love or a good guy for granted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Don't wait for them to always moe things forward, why don't you make it move to the "next stage"
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 May 2010):
Well the firs thing you have to do is stop worrying. Because the more you worry, the more likely it is you will settle for someone who's not right for you at all. It's very much a case that you've not met the right man yet. It's a good job you didn't settle for any of these men, because imagine if you had settled and had then realized you'd made a mistake? You'd have felt ten times worse. I think you need to look at the specific type of man you're attracted to and re-address it. You seem to be attracted to a certain type, who on the surface seem okay, but then aren't. So look at your type, slow down on the dating front again and really spend time looking for the right guy, and not the wrong one.
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