A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 2.5 years now and for the first 1.5 years of the relationship he flirted heavily with other girls, met an ex for coffee secretly behind my back and stored recent photos of his ex on his PC. We had a massive row but eventually decided to give it one last shot. Since then he has been "the perfect boyfriend" but every so often so much anger concerning the past builds up inside of me. He is unaware of this, but I literally go through stages of resenting him then back to being in love. The anger makes me feel physically sick and I sometimes have to go for a walk to calm down. What's happening to me? Will I ever get over this all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): Your anger isn't unjustified in itself. He broke your trust repeatedly over a long period of time; anyone would feel the way you do. You don't need me to tell you though that your relationship will always be undermined unless you can let go of those feelings. For your emotional health too, because chronic anger turns into rage, an emotion which feeds upon itself, grown bigger, spills over, becomes harder to deal with the longer it simmers under the surface.
From what you say, your boyfriend has tried hard to atone for what he did; you're finding it difficult to forgive him though. You have to ask yourself why. Do you not believe that he's truly sorry, perhaps? Are you afraid he'll betray your trust again at some point in future? Once you've identified the reason behind your feelings, talk to him. Tell him how you feel and why. You need reassurance if your relationship is to go anywhere from here. If, however, you still struggle to come to terms with the anger after discussing it etc. with your boyfriend, you may have to consider moving on. Sometimes we simply can't let go of the hurt of the past, in which case we have to let go of the person who caused it - for the sake of both. Good luck and take care x
A
male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 I know how you feel zZz... it must be really hard to go through all that and at the same time deal with all that anger ....
you know what is best for you ... besides anger makes people make the wrong decisions so I would recommend that you go for a walk or go to the park or any place where you could find some peace and at the same time get to think about what you want with an open mind and try to let go of that anger that is breeding inside you...
This parasite growing inside you is not good for you or your relationship nor is it letting you live peacefully so why don't you just get rid of it ....
how about doing something that you are passionate about and channeling your anger out through that lol sounds crazy I know but its just an idea xD you know like boxing, painting etc :P good luck btw
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): you're perfectly normal to have these feelings. he did after all disrespect you and lie to you on many occasions, not just once. Your trust has been broken. His behavior was completely selfish - doing things that made him feel good but at your expense.
If it were me, I'd not have chosen to stay together with him, I've have had the massive row and walked out.
I don't know if you can do anything to ease these feelings of anger, except to let time pass in which he proves to be a changed and better and more trustworthy and respectful partner permanently. but beware that people dont' change overnight.
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