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female
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anonymous
writes: When we first met a year ago, me and my boyfriend were all about the sex, all of the time. We would think it, breathe it, talk it, text it, you name it, we were up for it.Now as our relationship has progressed, we are not as frantic and sexual as we used to be. We are down to about once or twice at the weekend and our sexy chat has pretty much gone away.He is busy at work these days and decorating his house of an evening so always seems too tired. The affection is there, we always kiss and cuddle but I want to do something to spice things up a bit.Has anyone any ideas of some subtle changes that I can make to the relationship to get things back to where we were without terrifying him? He has said to me in the past we dont behave how we used to and how he misses that but he never initiates it with me. Im more than willing to try things with him but dont want to put him under pressure so he feels obligated if he is tired.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Listen to the good advice you'll get from others, but you might also need to accept that relationships very often just develop like this. The reduction in frequency of sex is perfectly normal, and part of humanity's hardwiring.
The first few months, or year, of any relationship are often all about mad sex. Gradually the novelty wears off, and the frequency becomes less. That's the experience of the majority of long-term couples.
When you think about that in the context of traditional human behaviour, it makes perfect sense: our ancestors didn't have access to contraception, so the first few months were about producing a viable pregnancy (lots of sex).
After six months or so, when the woman would start feeling (and looking) pregnant, there was less need for procreative sex, and the intimacy created between the two people earlier would begin the replace the frenentic sexual activity.
After a year, you likely had an infant to care for, so there was a *real* reduction in the action, anyway.
OK, so that doesn't solve your problem -- in fact, I don't have any solutions for you on this subject -- but at least you can understand that it isn't unique to you. It's actually common to much of our entire species, for at least the last 30,000 years or so.
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 I would just start by sending him a text or two saying something such as "Hi, sexy", blah blah blah thinking about you all overcome with emulsion, etc - just something playful to keep him thinking about you..nothing which makes him feel obligated to jump your bones the minute he gets in. He should'nt feel any 'fear, as he has said himself that he wishes to get back to the way it used to be. The passion will be taking a back seat for now, as it does in all relationships, and it will lose it's spark from time to time, but this does not mean that the fire has gone out completely.
Just keep the lines of communication open, keep looking good and buy some new sexy undies, chocolate body paint - just leave it on the side so that he knows you are still interested in being a little 'naughty'! Suggest a bath together - no pressure, just maybe to relax after his hard day's work (?) Just keep being your sexy self and It will come back - maybe sooner than you think!! Good luck, I'd love to hear how you get on (that was'nt meant to sound voyeuristic!!!)
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