A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering will i ever be with anyone ever again why ?well I've recently broken up with my ex and for the last 6 years hes got me into so much debt I've had to virtually go bankrupt. I'm very scared because although being with someone isn't all about money-something my ex didn't know! Its going to put off anyone who i could meet in the future-in fact its put me off meeting anyone full stopI mean, what do you say? "hi im bankrupt " god its awful I just don't know what to do. I'm in this mess through trying to help someone and now its ruined MY life
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 November 2009):
 I understand that you are in panic-mode at the moment about money and life. The secret to future relationship success is to set boundaries with partners (at least until you know you can trust them). You have to learn to assert yourself to say 'no' to the demands of other people to get into debts. At the present time there is no point crying over split milk as what is done, is done. By this I mean you have to make a plan on how to get out of your debt. You are honestly not alone - I think very many people are struggling to cope in this recession and the citizens advice bureau are swamped with the debt-related work load at the moment. You need to sit down with all the paperwork for all your debts and work out exactly what you owe. Then call the CCCS debt helpline (avoid private consolidation firms like the plague) on 0800 138 1111. They can help work out a financial plan with you. If you are being hassled by debt collectors then read the guidelines by the Office of Fair Trading and if they have not followed the rules, report them - all communication with debt collectors and banks should be in writing so you have a record. Going bankrupt is pretty drastic and there are lots of other options such as IVA, but you need expert-advice from a financial professional (the debt charity will give you the best source of advice as they won't try to sell you products). As for future relationships, there would be no reason to tell them about your current money troubles as you will possibly have sorted them out by then. I don't think being in debt or even bankrupt has the stigma these days as many people are in serious financial distress. Even if you did tell a future partner I would think they would admire your tenacity to get out of the debt and move on with your life. If they cannot forgive you then they would not be a good choice of partner.
The secret is to have a plan of action to dig yourself out of this financial mess and to have the self confidence to refuse to allow anyone to get you into debt in the future. I also think you need to do a credit check to make sure your ex hasn't included you in any further debts after you left him. The reason I say this is because my husband and I have been recently dealing with a bank fraud issue on our credit reports. A tenant in a house where we used to live tried to open bank accounts using our details - he failed but it goes to show that people will do anything to get hands on your cash! I understand you must be very distressed at the moment but try to calm down and approach the debt calmly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Hello,
Well it's not as bad as you think. Bankruptcy only lasts a year so technically you're only legally bankrupt for a fairly short period. It will however remain on your credit history for six years.
If you haven't already signed any legally binding documents then I'd suggest you consider an Individual Voluntary Agreement (IVA) instead. This would allow you to write off up to 75% of your debt and make affordable payments over a period of five years. It's not for everyone but is less drastic alternative to bankruptcy.
Check out the website www.iva.co.uk - it's an online community for people dealing with debt problem, they have a very good forum where people can share their stories and offer support.
Best of luck
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