A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I not sure about these sites but this is a last resort as my problem is something I can't even aquaint in my parents.I have trust issues. I find it difficult trusting people because of a long line of betrayal. Some worst than others. I found out one time my friends had a party at the weekend and I wasn't invited. I didn't see it as a big deal then. Later one of my former best friends for 3 or 4 years at every school week break, summer, easter etc. would come round and vandalise my house from the outside when we were not in (paint for instance). He even once kicked my door in at 1am when I and my parents were asleep. Even in the last few months when I got my first girlfriend she stabbed me in the back and got back together with her ex. In the last few months I haven't been able to trust anyone, not even my parents because I ask them stuff and they change the subject. I always feel my 'friends' are saying stuff behind my back and doing things without me. I even get angry, but don't show it, when I see guys talking to this girl I fancy at school (who rejected me ages ago but we're sort of friends now). Will I ever be able to trust people again or is this something I need professional help with?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): No I don't think you need professional help. You just need some clarity, hun. Trust is a special quality in friends that is earned, through caring, thoughtful behaviours. You have friends who are 'not' this way. I think if you were able to be more selective in carefully choosing your friends, you might find that your trust issues will go out the window. You are making poor choices in whom you hang with. You seem to have people in your life that 'take you down'. There are many wonderful and sincere people you could meet...you have to find them and know them when you see them. However I am concerned because the people you should be trusting, and that is your parents. I think you need to find out what is happening with them by sitting down and having a good, heart to heart chat with them. I'm guessing that they have seen you make some poor life choices in regards to friends (like your friend who vandalized their home-I imagine your parents were heartbroken over that) Your parents may be worried deeply about you but are keeping their thoughts to themselves. So in effect, they love you, but perhaps they don't trust 'you', dear. Think about that. Just because we are loved by our parents does not mean they will automatically trust us. Trust is earned and it is something that one works hard at retaining. Now is the time to re-connect with Mom and Dad. Talk to Mom and Dad and then sit back and really listen to what they say. Respect them and don't interrupt. This will be their time to talk to you...so please listen. But as far as your friends go...you don't need friends who tear you down. Go find nice friends who respect you and treat you well. Good luck hun and be positive.
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