A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is long and i have left out some personal detail so bare with me, but i feel so down and out. I didnt have a great childhood, it was stolen from me when i was very young, my mum and dad thought they could trust this guy to look after me but they were sadly mistaken, he drugged me and raped me, after that i had started thinking of suicide. Then as years went by my big bro moved out because my mum bashed him, we have differant mums. Me and him were so close back then and i found it difficult to not have him around. Then a couple of months later our house was broken into and everything stolen. That caused arguments day and night with my mum and dad, eventually my mum cheated on my dad, with several men even with my uncle (through marriage) not related. I was in the middle the whole time, and getting beaten by my mum, her forcing me to keep my mouth shut. When my dad eventually found out he hit cocaine hard, and it made him have evil thoughts of killing and stuff. He moved in with his sister and i kept saying to my mum i wanted to be with my dad, she hated me for this and tried suicide but her sister found her before it was too late, that made my thoughts of suicide come back. Well i ended up living with my dad, but spending nights with my mum, she locked me out one night it was to late to go home, so i went 4 houses down to her boyfrnd at the time, he also tried to rape me. A couple weeks later i was a mess and was ready to do something stupid. But then i met my boyfriend that im still with now, he changed my mind and kept me strong but i cry myself to sleep every night now and need to smoke pot just to stay happy. I had a talk with my dad and he said he was fkd off about my bedroom door being all full of holes and stuff, i said to him that it would be easier on me and i wouldnt loose it so bad if i just had the help from my family that im obviously in real need for, he had tears in his eyes and i felt so bad, he wants to help but he just dont know how. Will i ever be able to smile again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): Thankx girly but my boyfrnd doesnt like hearing about it he says to me i can get over it he just doesnt understand
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): I am 22 and I had a horrible childhood my parents died in a car accident when I was 11 years old I was abused by an uncle… I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I went to a childrens home when I was 12 years old and that was my home until I turned 17… but just like you I also met a great guy I met him when I was only 17 and he was 20 I finished matrix and moved in with him and we are still together now, but sometimes I find that because I was hurt so much in the past by ppl whom I loved and trusted that I miss trust my boyfriend, its not like I think he is cheating on me but sometimes when I feel down I think that I deserve to be hurt I don’t deserve to be happy and that he will only end up hurting me too, and because he really loves me it hurts him that I feel this way, and makes him wonder about my love for him… things from the past that we just bury will always come back to bite you in the ass,
I am sure that there are days when you can smile and others where you feel like giving up, just hold on to the good memories tell your boyfriend what happened to you, maybe get professional help (that was one of my new years resolutions) it doesn’t mean that you are crazy it just means that you will have someone to speak to that can give you some professional advice.
I no first hand how it feel to have your childhood ripped away from you, but what doesn’t kill us make us stronger, I am only starting to deal with my childhood now, the drugs the lonely crying nights, the booze and the pain, but its making me stronger, and if I could help another girl in another country just by my past experiences I will say going through that was worth it, you will smile again, you must just allow yourself to, open up and let luv in it sounds like this man is a keeper, let him in, maybe say a prayer before you go to sleep tonight ….
If you ever need to talk about how you feel remember that you are not alone, send me a private message, I promise I will listen without judging you.
Good luck
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