A
female
age
,
*lorencia
writes:i was married for 24 years to a man that didn't love me. i fell in love with another, while married, our feelings seemed to be real, specially his, he had been hurt before and he said it was very hard for him. he said that pain is too hard so he erase the other girl from his life, although, he kept his email open to receive once in a while letters, etc. from her. my husband found about us and made his life miserable, during a year we coun't see each other due to court orders (he was a priest), I kept in touch with him through a mutual friend. now he is no longer a priest, but he has brushed me off his life completely, even his friend has done the same. he has kept his email open to me, didn't blocked me, etc. i wrote to him several love letters, and still nothing. he spoke with a friend of mine, and told her he didn't love me anymore, she said to at least write to me saying that to have closure...he didn't. I send his books back to him and wrote a letter saying that my love for him was deep and true, that i was divorced, but if he didn't love me i had to move on...when he got the books he was disturbed and called my friend asking whether she wanted the bag where the books where back...he seemed a bit depressed for a while...but that was all!!! i know i have to move on, he is afraid of love, of truly surrender to it and commit (although i told him i was not expecting that from him, since we had to explore before our relationship under this new circumstances, mainly he was not a priest anymore and i was divorced). a couple of times i've been weak and wrote to him, no response, but the email is still open...he just seem to want to move on, no complications of any kind, also while we both had compromises of our own, it was not hard for him to show love and affection, since there was always the excuse not to be truly commited. our relationship started as a great friendship over more than a year, then came the love part, physical and all.. and know it seems that he has erase me as if i were no one to him. i need to move on, my marriage was very toxic and i stayed due to a sense of duty, with this guy i found myself again, i felt loved and cared, his affection was very real and awoke in me a love that i thought i could never feel again, or even had it in me to love like this. i am shattered, it's been more than 18 months since he was put in a monastery and i went through my divorce. i didn't write to him, nor wanted to disturb him, while he was finding himself, but once he went out of the priesthood i did, and nothing. it took my friend a while to find him, and his answer was cold, very sharp and to the point: i think she is obsessed about me, i don't share her feelings. but he still has not given me the closure, was very disturbed by my giving him back all his property... what should i do? how do i move on? will i ever be able to love again? because now i feel again stupid and that maybe this is not for me, love...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): i know you want closure or even to hear that he still loes you but unfortunately he does not anymore. his silence has said it all. i also think that he i suffering emotionally because he betrayed his religious vows. he needs to forgive himself and he hasn't . i don't think he will any time soon but he still needs to heal. and when he has fully healed he may then contact you and give you the closure you need. he will not want to continue with you but he will let you go.
sadly for you , you need to accept his decision. i know it will be hard but you need to move on as well. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): As difficult as it will be, in order to move on and love again...you must provide your own closure. Take anything you have left to remind you of him and ceremoniously burn it! Find a safe place, to burn the things, such as a barbaque pit, a coffee can, whatever! Write no-send goodbye letter and include in the burning! As the items are burning make a commitment to yourself that it is truly over. Don't look back! Begin focussing in your life. What can you do to improve your quality of life? Make a list if necessary, but however you do it, just do it! In time you will learn to love again. Use these experiences in your life as learning tools, so you won't make similar mistakes. Also use them to help others such as on this site! It is rewarding to do so!
Good Luck!
Britt
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