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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok, I'm turning 14 in a couple weeks. I've never had a boyfriend and boys just don't really like me. The only ones that do are weird and ugly. People think I'm pretty and I'm skinny too. I'm quite shy though. I just want a boy to like me back. The thing is though, I don't really think I'm ready for a boyfriend but I"m scared that no boy will ever like me back. I have really low self esteem because of it. Will I be alone forever?
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never had a boyfriend, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gillybean2k5 +, writes (21 July 2006):
 Oh love, you need to relax and enjoy being single. You think the boys that like you are weird and ugly, which shows that you're not very interested in boys right now, dont ya think? I myself am a 14 year old, and I've had about 7 boyfriends since I started high school, and I quite regret it, though it has been fun. Take your time and don't rush yourself into things that you're not ready for.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): I hate to be the devil's advocate, but i'm a 21 y/o male and have never been on a date or kissed anyone in my life! When i was 15 i started to suspect that i wouldn't be able to, and now 6 years later it seems to be true. But i have plenty of solid problems preventing it from happening for me. Mostly i'm pathetically shy, but shyness isn't as much of a problem for girls, cause u can just wait for a guy to approach u. Women NEVER hit on me, even tho i'm supposedly cute. I guess we're all still old-fashioned. I really don't think shy women have much to worry about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Well dont be so shallow and give boys who show interest in you a chance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): Good grief, you're only 14! I didn't start dating till I was 17 (I'm 23 now and still don't have a boyfriend, and am not in a hurry to find one). Don't rush, a lot of people forget that dating requires a degree of maturity and feelings for each other, not just whether someone is 'ugly' or not. You have plenty of time, believe me! Boys mature later than girls, remember that. Take your time, when you're a year or two older you might even find that the boys you think are 'ugly' and 'weird' right now have grown and matured into surprisingly handsome and charming young men! Right now the boys your age are probably not mature enough to have any real feelings for a girl. Give it a while. :)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 Don't worry, at your age you would be young to start having boyfriends. Despite what your friends say or do!! I had my first girlfriend at 16, we ended up being together for 2 years which was really great, and I'm glad she was the first person I was with. I was her first boyfriend, she was 17.
Plenty of boys will like you back. You should concentrate on your studies and doing fun things with your friends, thats the best way to build up confidence and its important that you build up your confidence and self-esteem... they come in very useful where boys are concerned
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 I don't know how I can phrase this without sounding like I'm groaning and rolling my eyes... but you're only at the *beginning* of your dating years, dear, not at the end! Be patient with yourself.
If you're "turning 14" then you're still only 13. Good lord, what are did you expect? A parade of eligible bachelors across your front lawn? Placards that read "I'm sensitive, handsome, 23 and rich. Love me!" ?
Most girls -- and reread that phrase a few times until it sinks in -- MOST girls don't start dating seriously until they're around 15 or 16. If you think I'm wrong then haul out your junior high school yearbook, run your finger down the photos and try to match up any of your age mates with boyfriends. You'll be lucky to match more than 2 in 10. That's about 80% then who don't have boyfriends. You're in the majority!
I do worry too, that you're so dismissive of the boys that do like you. You call them "ugly" and "weird" and that shows that you're not really seeing the boy beneath the appearance, are you? So you're applying one standard to yourself and one to the boys that are interested. Lots of handsome guys are losers, and lots of "ugly" guys are sweethearts, in case you haven't thought of that. Give them a chance! Besides, the fact that those guys are attracted shows that there's nothing wrong with you, only that you're too quick to write other people off.
At the end of the day, you're really 'wayyyyy too young to worry about your love life. If you haven't had a date by Year 12 then maybe you need to ask some questions, but at 13? Relaaaaaax. It'll happen, but real life isn't like an episode of "The OC". Thirteen year olds -- even almost-fourteen-year-olds -- rarely have real boyfriends. Enjoy what you have, not what you think you *should* have.
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A
female
reader, broken_in _2 +, writes (20 June 2006):
 No you wont be alone forever, sometimes it takes time. Put it this way I didnt get my first boy friend til about two years ago and I am 16. Sometimes it just takes longer, dont give up on guys but dont jump into a relationship if you dont feel right. Wait till your heart tells you to start dating.
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