A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!I am wanting to ask some general advice about first time sex.I am 21 years old and i have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months now with a man I met at univerisity.Im a virgin but hes not.basically i am going to visit him next weekend and we have both decided we are ready to take things further and have sex.I am not expecting anything to feel amazing for the first time.but i generally wanted to ask what i should be expecting?and should i be able to have sex more than once that weekend or will i be feeling sore after the first time?thank you!xx.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (6 March 2012):
Wow, I feel sorry for young people today, so much planning, so much organising, so much to think of!! I remember the good old days when my girlfriend and I lost our viginities during a completely unexpected excess of passion, there was no pain (we had been very heavy petting for several hours before).
I would go as far to say that sex planned in advance never lives up to expectation, unless you expect it be dreadful! !
You have lots of ideas below, but I would add that you can help yourself by knowing your own body. Can you give yourself an orgasm? do you know what it feels to have something inside you? if not I suggest you visit the supermarket and get some condoms and maybe a suitable vegetable, a bit bigger than your forefinger and nicely rounded. Practice putting the condoms on the veg item and gently inserting in yourself. And if you think this sounds really perverted then I would say its something my daughters did in sex ed at school. (not the inserting bit, I guess that is left to their imagination!)
I would tell you boyfriend that you are not sure about sex yet, but take the condoms just in case. Also make sure he knows that a gentleman will always look after his girls orgasm before his own!
And when you get around to it take good note of Cerberus's advice about guiding your man, in fact all women should note this, its really good for both partners. Have lots of fun and don't be stressed about the thought of blood and pain, it isn't like it sounds.
!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): I think you have a good range of advice so far. The one thing I will add OP is this is your first time so don't be afraid to take control. If it hurts don't be afraid to tell him to slow down or pull out a bit. Don't be afraid to use your hands to brace his hips and push them back if he's going in too deep and hurting you.
You're losing your virginity, he knows this and should know that you will be making sure he doesn't go too mad.
One final thing you'll learn eventually but might aswell know now, is penis guidance. Most the time OP we're using both our hands to steady ourselves and get into position, it is very awkward for us to then put our hand down to position our penis in you, so it would be a good idea for you to get into the habit of doing that for him. When he's in position just put your hand down and guide it in, simple as that, it's a lot easier for you to do too because you know where it needs to be, do this from the start and any time it pops out. It's just something that I have never experienced a virgin doing and it's actually pretty annoying that they don't. I will warn you though, that it is the sign of an experienced woman, I was able to catch out a couple of girls that lied about being virgins because they knew that trick amongst other little things that you'd really only learn from having sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Your boyfriend should spend plenty of time on foreplay so you are physically ready. (This is important every time, btw, not just your first time!) If he's gentle, you may have some pain but it won't last long. Listen to your body about having sex multiple times over the weekend.
The "Uncles" who've posted have some good tips. In addition, be sure to empty your bladder right before you two "get busy" and again afterwards. This is to prevent you from getting a urinary tract infection (which is a real mood-buster!) It's common enough in women after losing their virginity that doctors used to call it "honeymoon cystitis".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Everyone is different in how they respond to first time intercourse.Many women have no pain at all or very minimal discomfort if they are excited and ready- you need tons of foreplay, don't force anything. It also depends on your vagina size/tightness, his penis size, his experience, ability and desire to follow your directions, and largely on how good your relationship is, is it based on love, is this someone you're very comfortable with, are you very attracted to him and so on. If you have a lot of pain it usually means you are not ready and or your vagina is very tight or there may be other issues- it usually doesn't have much to do with a hymen unless that is very dense, some women don't have that at all. Whether or not you can do it a second time no one can know, you would just have to wait and see how you feel after. If you don't have a good relationship based on love and you don't really know him that well, four months is not a long time and long distance relationships are not usually in real life, so you don't really know the person all that well, then it may not be time to do this yet.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 You may feel sore after first-time sex, but it depends on whether your boyfriend is really experienced and gentle. Girls are different - some take penetration easily, and some do not. If your hymen is still intact, it may be sore and bleed.
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A
male
reader, xgod +, writes (3 March 2012):
 The first thing you need to do is get some KY Lube or another brand of "intimate" lubrication. There is always going to be some form of friction, and the more lubricated he is/you are, the better it will be for the both of you. If you have a hymen, he will need to break it. If your hymen has been broken (by using tampons / riding a bike / etc) then you should be okay after he is fully inside you.
Regardless, you will be in pain when he first enters. Even with lubrication, your vagina will be stretched beyond anything you have ever felt before. This is normal.
You might have some bleeding, so make sure you use a CONDOM the first time, and EVERY time unless you are interested in having a baby in 9 months.
You also should get together and visit a Family Planning clinic or your doctor to get on the pill AND get tested for STDs. Even if you are a virgin, you need to get tested because - if you or he has had any injections or blood transfusions in the past 5 years, you need to make sure you are BOTH safe.
What you need:
1. Lubrication
2. A TOWEL that you don't mind getting BLOOD or SEMEN on.
3. Condoms
4. A wash rag that is warm and wet.
5. A second dry clean wash rag/towel.
The lubrication is for before and during sex. Using too much is actually a GOOD thing the first time. He may not last that long anyway, so getting your vagina used to his girth is more important when he first enters you.
The TOWEL is needed to be placed beneath you, assuming the missionary position, as that is the most common first-time position. It should be lain lengthwise from your waistline to your knees. This will catch any lube, semen, and blood that drips.
Condoms to protect both of you from unwanted babies or STDs.
A warm, wet washrag for use in washing off your labia and buttocks after sex.
A dry wash rag/towel to dry yourself after washing off.
By using more lube the first time, tearing of your vaginal walls and ripping of your entrance is minimized and repeated sexual activity will be more likely for you.
If you go unprotected because it's your first time, make sure he pulls out, or he WILL get you pregnant. It only takes one sperm to hang out for up to a week inside your uterus (and they DO live that long) for your egg to drop.
If you have sex and your period was within the past week and a half to three weeks, there is definitely a chance at pregnancy.
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