A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 24 asian woman and dating a european man for over 5 years now. But, through this 5 years, I have had a really hard time talking to his mother. And being around her makes me uncomfortable. Everytime we stopped by at her house, I rather stay in the car and wait. Then my boyfriend gets mad and then I force myself to go in the house. It's because I know that she doesn't want her only son to date me just because I'm asian. And she believes in staying within their own race and mixing races are not good. She's a nice, assertive and strong woman. I can't just click with her. My boyfriend also have told me that his mother is a hard person to please. On the other hand, as for my parents they don't look at race as a barrier, as long as we love and treat each other with respect. They're happy for us. Will his mother ever accept me as a person? I really love my boyfriend and it would be better if his mother welcomes me to her house with a big hug and a big smile, rather than "ugh" expressions. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Are you sure it has anything do to with race?
My wife's father took a little over 18 years to accept me properly. He never spoke to me, except for the occasional grunt, then for some unknown reason he suddenly changed - now he talks to me about anything and everything. I can't shut him up!
Mothers can be very protective about their sons, as fathers can about their daughters.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I have to say that I agree with Emilysanswers on this one.
I had a strained relationship with my ex's mother for years and I never felt like I was totally accepted.
She always felt I thought that I was never good enough for her son and that I was too chatty and they were very private and quiet and so it wasn't until we had a child together that I did get a certain level of respect. The thing is though that both his mother and one of his sister's have tried to cause problems since my ex and I have split so in my mind there will never be a level of acceptance just that I am the mother of her grandchild and she has to live with that.
Don't sit in the car, rise above this and show this woman that you love her son no matter what. Take flowers on a visit or bake something to take with you. That just shows that there are no hard feelings and even if she tries to say to your bf that she thinks you are trying to buy her affection say NO, I just wanted to do something nice for her to show her how much I care about her son and leave it at that, she will end up with egg on her face if she continues to down you and you continue to be nice and turn up with little treats and when you are there offer to help her make a drink or to do the dishes or even prepare a meal. Sometimes mothers finally let down their defences but if she thinks oh she won't even bother to lift a finger to help then she will always view you as being someone who likes to be waited on and not able to participate.
You will demonstrate to your bf just how helpful and loving you can be if you do these things when you go round to hers.
Don't let her get the upper hand no matter how hard she is. It could well be a big front and by showing your caring side she may well just see that you are good for her son and not someone who is trying to take him for a ride or using him.
Wish you all the very best and let us know how you get on eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, toggs +, writes (3 June 2008):
 its so hard when someone so special to him has it in for you but at the end of the day its not her in your relationship.
one day she might change her feelings for you but untill then just carry on being civil for your bf sake. mothers only want the best for their son and maybe she has reasons to dislike you because maybe he has been hurt in the past and she try to protect her son.
hang in there as you never no she may welcome you nicely one day
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 June 2008):
I may not just be about race... it may just be that no woman will EVER be good enough for her perfect little boy.
But you have to rise above and show her you won't be put off by her prejudices. Don't stay in the car when you go round. She'll just say you have something to hide and make out that it's you who has the problem.
Walk into the house and be friendly and polite and completely ignore any of her nasty behaviour. If you sink to her level then your poor boyfriend will have both you and his mum saying "well she needs to change because she..."
If you are above her then it will become more and more clear that she has the problem and she will have to change or risk upsetting / losing her son.
Not everyone will get a nice mother-in-law. But if you act like nothing bad is happening then it will only make you look better and her look worse and people will start telling her to get over it because you are such a good person.
Good Luck!! xx
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