A
female
age
36-40,
*ittycat_159
writes:I have been with my boyfriend who i love for almost 4 months and already, he has told me that he thinks i am the one and that he has never felt this way about anyone before. We see each other all the time and we pretty much live together. We have also talked about the future together, getting a place together, etc. and we are both 21. I really believe that i could spend the rest of my life with him.Before we started going out he always talked about going travelling with his best friend once they had finished university and i accepted that and i was happy because that was what he wanted to do. I didnt think that it would be a big deal, him being away for such a long time. To be honest, i was concentrating on then and how happy i was with him and i didnt really give it a lot of thought because that was (and it still is) early days!It hasnt hit in until now that this is going to be very hard for me. Im planning on starting university this year and he is going travelling at the start of 2011 for six months.Six months seems like such a long time to me and its not just being apart from him for that long that is going to be hard. I dont want to sound jealous and horrible but all i can think about is him touring the world (New zealand, America, Australia, Fiji, Thailand) and having the time of his life. Im worried that he'll end up cheating on me as i'll seem like part of a different life that wont seem so real being in another time zone and culture with so many different surroundings. Plus, id never even know.Talking to my male colleague at work who has lived in Australia didnt really help me either. He joked "Of course he's going to cheat. There are so many beautiful women out there with tans and accents and they will be all over him because they love the English accent."Yes, hes young, yes, he loves clubbing and before he met me it sounds like the highlight of him and his best friend's night was pulling girls. Maybe things would seem better if his best friend wasnt single as if he wants to get with a girl, where does that leave my boyfriend? Stuck with her mates? Im not sure if im being paranoid or if anyone else in my sitution would feel the same. I just hate feeling this way and i cant stop thinking about it, i cant sleep. Ive told my boyfriend how i feel and he thinks that i am being silly. He says that he loves me more than anything and that when he comes back, we will get a place together and that we can be together for good. He says that its just something that he has to do before he gets settled and finds his career.He says that it is going to be really hard for him, being away from me and he thinks that he will realise that he wants to be with me even more while he's away. But what if it is the opposite?I dont know what i would do if anything happened and i lost him. I know that i can trust him now and i believe everything that he tells me. I know he isnt going away with the intention of cheating on me but so much could change while hes out there.When i think about him going away and when he talks about his travels with his friends, i feel so angry and abandoned and i hate feeling this way. I know its ages until he goes travelling and so much will change in our relationship, but its so hard for me at the moment. I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar position, and how they handled it? Love cat xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): I am in the exact same position..It is the hardest thing ever because you so badly want to be the supportive girlfriend who wants your boyfriend to go out and experience everything he wants to without holding him back but at the same time, you can't help thinking that things will change. I understand your pain but to be honest the only thing that will ever prove if this is OK or not is it actually happening. Horrible to hear, I know, but it's true. And I suppose you should go by the theory that he loves you and everything could be just fine! There's no use worrying about it before it has happened.. If he did cheat on you while he was overseas, maybe he isn't really the person you want to be with anyway and you are better off without him..
A
female
reader, Isa123  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Cat,
Long distance relationships work under one basis: trust.
I'm an Army Girlfriend. Separations happen frequently and without warning.
Your boyfriend will be traveling. He will be experiencing quite a lot, seeing very much, and meeting new people. Of course this can be heart drenching, you have to believe in him.
If trust isn't there, the relationship cannot work. Talk to him before he leaves and make sure that he wants this to work as much as you do. Of course there will be doubts and moments where you just want to cry from the jealousy, but you have to believe in your heart.
And the comment on "Of course he will cheat". Do NOT listen to such comments. People like that don't know what you're going through. And if your boyfriend does cheat, then you know that he does not want this as much as you do.
As an Army Girlfriend, trusting eachother is vital. Your boyfriend has to trust you as much as you trust him. He must trust that you will not cheat. Keep the contact alive. Whenever given the chance, TALK. No matter how short the conversation is. It doesn't matter, TALK. Always remind eachother of your love.
Hope this helps. Good luck sweetie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): hiya :)
im in a smilar, but slightly differnt situation...
my boyfriend is in the navy, we were together for about 3 / 4 months before he first went away,, so wasnt log at all and i also had fears his feeling for me would chage and things.
i also was ?(still am) jealous that he travels round so many nice plces)
he is away or 4 - 7 months at a time (has been 4 different times now) and we are still tgether 3 years later,.
no doubt you will still be ale to talk to him and he will probably send postcards and stuff
lets just say the saying is true
absence makes the heart grow fonder
try not to worry to much
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