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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am probably going to sound completely insecure, but hey, I need some reassurance. I have liked this guy for a long time now, we used to see each other once a week over a 6 month period last year, but for various reasons we kept it purely platonic however looking back, I feel that we were like ships missing each other in the night with our flirting. Since last September we have intermittently text each other. We have both been super busy with new jobs and such. Anyway, my texts were pretty general hey how are you, sent when I felt bad I hadn't replied or he hadn't replied to my last text. I would always get a response back from him saying "We should grab lunch" or "We should meet and have coffee"...those kind of things. Anyway, we are finally having dinner the week after next. Which will be really nice. However, I have put on a stone since he last saw me (it has been a stressful 12 months or so and I comfort eat) and I am really worried that he is going to notice. I am also really unsure about what to wear and also worried that he won't find me attractive. So do men notice this kind of thing? I don't think it is obvious but both my Grandmother and Mother have made comments over the last few months and now that I have dropped some of the weight they have been more vocal about how fat they thought I had become. Also, I need some tips on flirting and spotting a guy flirting. I feel that I hindered our relationship last year due to by inability to differentiate niceness and flirting and when I felt a meeting was going bad, backed off but when I spoke to others later, they would tell me that he was definitely flirting, so giving him mixed messages and therefore discouraging him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): This is the OP by the way.
Thanks for all your advice, I am 5ft 5 and people have said that I have always looked smaller than I actually am. I just wonder because I have noticed, and am quite conscious of my weight (I used to be 16st, am no more though!) that because of this, he would notice too.
He is very fit, and cute and I think he is out of my league which doesn't help with my confidence. I have also had a recent rejection from a man, far less good looking which has unsettled me.
Anyway we can but see what happens I suppose. Thank you for all the advice!
OP
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 he may notice it, he may not. and it may matter and it may not.... it depends on him.
One stone is 14 pounds... it's not THAT much weight unless you are 5 feet tall...
as for flirting.... smile... be open and receptive and NICE...and mostly be yourself. some folks are good flirts some are not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): You know it really depends on where you are in a relationship if that is what you want to develop with this man. I know in my personal relationship with my girlfriend for the past three years I have never critiqued her personal appearance because we are beyond that and into a serious relationship with marriage on the horizon. That doesn't mean I don't say she beautiful and not pretty and attractive to me. She is that and more. But I never said anything last years during final exams when she gained five pounds around the bum and thighs. Under a lot of stress and she layed into the frito lays during the exams as a stress reliever. I offered to buy her some of that special yogurt she enjoys but she said no. I left it at that. After exams we celebrated and went out with friends to a dance club. She was going to wear her special jeans but the five pounds made it difficult to slip into. She quickly got into a dress she liked instead. I looked at the jeans and didn't say anything about it but she new that I knew about the weight gain. Later that night while dancing she gave me a passionate kiss and looked me in the eyes and thanked me for loving her . All I could say was baby your the best and held her close to me and said your the greatest. No a few pounds like what you said wont be a deal breaker. Good-luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 April 2013):
He probably won't notice that you gained weight, but he may not find you as attractive as he once did. I doubt that though, as 14 lbs isn't a ridiculous amount of weight.
My wife is 110 lbs, 5' 1", so it'd be pretty noticeable. I had a girlfriend who was 5'7" and about 150 lbs and she gained a few lbs and it didn't effect her looks.
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