A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my BF for 3 years. About 6 months ago he borrowed some money and promised to pay it back the following month. It hadn't appeared so I casually asked if he had paid, he said yes, I thought it was just taking a few days but 2 weeks later still nothing, I asked a couple more times he said its paid, I was going to check with the bank and he eventually admitted he hadn't paid it yet but didn't want to admit it, he paid the following month but I was very angry that he lied and I told him I was angry about that and not that he didn't pay until the following month and he said he wouldn't lie again. I accepted this and it was forgotten, but he borrowed money for a deposit on a flat, and then told me he wasn't going to take the flat anymore, so I said did he get the money back, he said this guy hasn't paid it, he's away on business etc. If someone had a deposit they should refund immediately? Anyway, I wanted proof of the deposit being paid over and he keept putting me off. I am wondering if it was ever paid or if he just used the money for something else and can't pay it back. I am serious about this and told him if he's lying agin its going to really upset me. We have booked a holiday together in 3 weeks time, planned long ago, now if I am going to cause a fuss I am not only going to be without my money, if I leave him over this my holiday is also lost and some things are not fully refundable at such late notice. I know I should have learnt my lesson the first time around but I really don't know what to do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 do not lend him any more money no matter what he says or does. He is clearly a liar and a cheat.
go on your holiday. do not pay any extras for him. If he paid for his ticket, he goes too but it can be your last hurrah with him. IF you laid out all the money, take a good girlfriend.
If you can't get a girlfriend to go, and you can get some of your money back, cancel the holiday if you paid for him. Seriously... stand your ground and make it so he is such a wretch he will either leave you (doing you a favor) or you will tire of his antics and leave him (you should)
he did not use the money for a deposit... he is lying and taking money from you under false pretenses at least that is clear to me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Stop lending him money and do NOT give him access to your bank account.
And I'm sorry that you feel you HAVE to stay with him because of a holiday, I think that's the least of your worries.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (30 April 2013):
 You need to learn your lesson this time. He is not going to change. If he doesn't pay you back the first time and lies about having paid you back, that means that's the kind of person he is. Anyone can get into financial difficulty but it's how you deal with it that matters. I've borrowed money off people in the past but if I knew I couldn't pay it back immediately I told them, awkward and difficult as that may have been. They might have been a little bit angry about it but at least they knew and weren't counting on that money by a certain date. I have lent money to people, most have paid me back promptly and the ones that didn't/haven't paid it back have never and will never get a second chance. It doesn't mean we're not friends or whatever, it just means I will not lend them a penny because I know I won't see it again. This guy is your boyfriend, though. Do you really want to stay involved with someone like that? Imagine if you get married in the future and he borrows large sums of money for stuff and you never see the money again. Or if he wants a joint bank account. He probably didn't use the money for a deposit but for something else (is he a gambler?). He cannot be trusted with money and he has lied to you on more than one occasion, meaning that HE cannot be trusted full stop.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): "I know I should have learnt my lesson the first time around but I really don't know what to do?"
Learn your lesson the third time around. You should know by now that he's a liar and a mooch which means you're never getting your money back, so you can either go away with him while keeping quiet about the money he owes you and not giving him a cent more, or you can break up now, losing your deposits but cutting your losses. Your call.
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