| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, it's me again. I'm a girl who's been posting about how I lied to my ex about my past, repeatedly, and how he got fed up and dumped me.I'm in a very confusing place now... he's contacted me throughout these days. We broke up on Thursday. Well, he broke up with me. I was very sad and mopey on Thursday and Friday, until my mum called him worried that I was crying so much. So he talked to me on the phone and tried to reassure me that it'd be ok, that I'm a good person and I'd make someone else much happier. That i'd find someone better. I was calm, and starting to feel better, when that same night he called and asked me to go see him... it was midnight so I couldn't just go over to his place. He said I had lost my chance to talk.Then on Saturday afternoon I called him to ask him what had been so important the night before, that i was available to talk then. he said it was nothing, that I'd lost my chance already. So I just went over to his place. Expectedly we argued, he blamed me about everything and made me cry. he hates when I cry, says that upsets him more. Then i got calm and he started hugging me telling me everything'd be alright that I'd find someone better and that he'd miss me, that I had set the bar high for future girlfriends, then he kissed me. Said he can't see himself without me, that he still loves me like crazy, but is confused, that he wants to be with me, that I'm everything he could've asked for e(except for the lies and my past), but that he can't accept that: 1) I lied to him repeatedly, and he finds it hard to believe everything I say/have said (his friends insist he made the right decison because I was playing with him, having him as a fool) 2) My past, he thinks I had no dignity, because of my friendship with benefits, guys who forced kisses on me (he says I let them kiss me, that if I really didn't want them to kiss me I would've pulled them away or something, so they didn't really force me), and how I kept contacting some of these guys after those episodes, that I must've been too much of a tease/slut to want to keep them around, or a real fool if I thought they were really my friends (I guess I'm a fool then, because I really though, AT THE TIME, thet they were my friends). I never sletp with anyone, only gave a bj once to my ex fwb, 3 full years prior to meeting my ex bf. I lost my virginity to my ex bf, he's the only one I've slept to.... so he wanted so time to think it through ans decide if he'll take me back or not. Also said he's unsure he'll ever forgive me.Well, then on Sunday I called him to ask him if what he had said on Saturday was true, if he really needed time or had said that just because we had kissed. He got offended that I questioned his words and feelings, and told me to just break up then if I was going to be like that.So I was already decided to move on. I was sad, but I got the support from friends who told me he was a jerk, etc. yet I love him. I was very ok and fine and calm though, until yesterday he called and asked me to see him, that he wanted to talk to me. So we met up. At first he was very affectionate and said he missed me and that he's confused and wants me... then he got upset and started blaming me all over, pointing out also how I must not love him if I lied to him several times, I tried to defend myself telling him how I lied because he used to judge me so harshly, but he wouldn't listen. He got upset because I started crying in a public place. I told him to f*ck off, that he was a prick, a fool, and idiot and he should just leave me if he can't see anything good in me, that if that was what he had called me for then he was an idiot because I'm nobody's emotional punchbag, that I really ahd my hopes up and that he should be glad that for so much time I put up with his emotional abuse, that he should realize that just as he put up with my lies, I had to put up with lots of pain from his name calling and hard judging... he got offended and said: "Well, sorry for missing you and wanting to see you, but I'm still hurt and angry because of what you did... plus, if I was so mean to you why would you want me back?". I said I truly loved him but that he didn't respect me. He said I didn't respect him otherwise I wouldn't have lied. SO he just left, he told me he'd walk me home, I refused and he just walked away.I later texted him that he was ver insensitive, but that I forgave everything he had said and done to me, and that i can't hate him, but that I wish him good luck and that he'll always be a part of me.He later called to apologize and asked me for more time, asked me to do my best to restore his trust in me if I love him, and that I should stop being so emotional in my reactions. That he was hurt that i had insulted him like that, but that he still is confused as to whether he wants to be with me or not.I know you'll tell me I'm better off, but, do you think he'll give me a chance? Or, ok, nevermind, just what's your advice?
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broke up, emotionally abusive, lost my virginity, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hotstuff_405  +, writes (21 May 2008):
nope, I think that its going to turn out the same way. This guy seriously is confused, It seems as if he loves you but most guys dont want a girl with a lot of miles on them if you know what i mean. he probably loves you intellectually and thinks that you are a good person but as far as getting back together its really iffy because...well im not a guy but i have alot of brothers, and no offense but they talk about girls like you. and as far as being his girlfriend goes, if he really wanted you he wouldve been made a move, the next time he text you just tell him that you think he needs some time to think before you go over there and an argument starts again. give him some time. You never know he just might come through later on.
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