A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm pretty lost right now. From the beginning: I was with this guy for about 3.5 years and he is the first person I've actually loved. We would fight a lot, but we're both stubborn and headstrong, and I love that about him. Recently I had a mental breakdown, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, like my mother has, and I'm now managing it with meds. During my episode, I freaked out, broke up with my boyfriend, and dated his best friend, then almost killed myself when I started to come back to my senses. Needless to say, this put my boyfriend into a state of shock. This was all about 9 months ago, and since then I've been trying to work things out with my boyfriend(ish), and things have been up and down. Right now he says he's just trying to get his romantic feelings for me stable again before he commits to another real relationship with me. He's coming to visit me (I had to move back to my parent's house) in about a month and after he leaves it will be "decision day" based on how he's feeling about us. I'm terrified because I know it will be devastating for me if things don't work out. I truly love him. He is the most amazing person I will ever meet and I'm scared of having to bare the guilt of knowing I destroyed our relationship, but I'm also becoming more and more aware of how much he hurts me, unintentionally. He's in love first with knowledge. I know I'll always be second, and he will never really appreciate the feelings I have for him like I want them to be appreciated. So my question is, am I just torturing myself? Should I move on for my own protection, or is he worth it? I kinda hope some day he will realize how valuable my love is, but right now he's very career-oriented.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your responses. I do know what an amazing man he is, and that anyone who he ends up with will be incredibly lucky. I am just worried that I'll get crushed if he doesn't want me. I want to keep fighting, but I think I was trying to hear someone say "get out now, save yourself before he pushes you over the edge again!". Do you have any other advise for how I could increase my chances of keeping him? He said no matter what, he really cares about me, but he's not sure if that means he's a friend, or a lover, since that romantic feeling died. Any cost is worth it if I can win his heart back!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Well his career is his main focus at the minute but i say good for him at least he is making something of his life. So its up to you if you want to keep on fighting, he obviously cares about you if he is willing to make things work after your little episode most guys would run and not even try to sort things out so this shows that he does care about you. Its up to you if you want to keep trying, my guess is you do but you just dont want him to end up breaking your heart by saying he doesnt want to get back with you, but make him see that you do want to be with him just do your best but dont expect to much because you may get crushed, just take things in small steps until the day he makes up his mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Hi there!
Im sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you get better and can live a healthy happy life mentally :)... I assume he's at a young age like you are and the fact he's driven is admirable as he cares about his future. Men feel a great responsibility when building a career because they want to have a successful life and be able to provide. Im willing to bet he wants to focus on his work so that he can then later provide for you. In order to do that however, he needs some space and room so he can concentrate. Dont beat yourself up over this doll cause for the long term I feel this could be very positive, esp with what I hear about men his age and not being focused and partying and just not caring. Here he is trying to build his reputation and progress with life for the benefit of himself and most likely you. Talk to him obviously and see what his needs are and try to meet him halfway. If he sees you in the picture and you see him, I would def wait as this lad sounds like a gem. Best to you both.
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